This is dumb. (Photo by Damon Young’s right hand)

You’re really about to do an entire explainer about dishes?

No. Dishes are trite and boring. Dishes are staff meetings and Drake’s tattoos. Dishes are the dishes of dinnerware.

Then why are we even here?

It’s an entire explainer about prerinsing dishes. Which is an important distinction.

I hate you.

There were bad people ... on both sides.

Anyway, what’s your issue with prerinsing dishes? How the hell can “washing a thing” ever be considered a bad thing?

Imagine you’re sitting on some sort of seating device, holding a plate filled with food on your lap and eating that food. The food isn’t good or bad. It’s just there, doing nothing but existing. The food is Robert Herjavec on Shark Tank. And you’re placing it in your mouth to chew and swallow. Because you require nourishment to survive.

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Continuing this hypothetical, let’s say you complete your meal in a timely and efficient fashion. And then you finish watching the Veep marathon. When the marathon is over, you take your plate into the kitchen to the sink, and then you prerinse it for 25 to 35 seconds until the prerinsing process has been completed to your standard. And then you leave the dish in the sink—or, if rich, in one of those metal binder things next to the sink that holds prerinsed dishes (and if you’re Oprah, you call that thing “Stedman”)—and then maybe you go for a jog or go on Twitter to troll Tomi Lahren.

And then later—and by “later” I mean “40 minutes later if you’re a married man” or “five days later if you’re a bachelor”—you come back and actually wash that dish; a process that usually takes 25 to 35 seconds.

So, you just explained what literally every adult does whenever a dish needs to be washed. What is the problem with this? What’s wrong with you?

The problem is that prerinsing dishes is inefficient, redundant and fucking stupid. The only notable difference between prerinsing a dish and just washing it is that with the pre

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rinse, no soap is used. Every other action is the same. It takes just as long, your hands and shirt get just as wet, and you’re just as likely to lose a wedding ring in a chunk of butternut squash.

This is stupid. (Photo by Damon’s Young’s right hand again)

So what’s your point?

MY POINT IS TO JUST WASH THE DISH! With prerinsing, you’re basically washing the dish twice! Just wash the fucking dish the first time, instead of the bitch-ass prerinse fake-out. And don’t tell me that prerinsing makes dishwashing easier. Because you’d still wash the dish the exact same way if the prerinse didn’t happen. It saves zero seconds or effort from your dishwashing routine. And if that isn’t true, never invite me to your house to eat.

Prerinsing is like taking a bite of a sandwich, chewing it for five seconds, spitting the contents into a paper towel, and then coming back 30 minutes later to finish chewing and swallowing the sandwich. This is how birds eat. Which is why prerinsing is for the birds.

I guess I see your point. This was still dumb, though.

There were bad people ... on both sides.