2. I mean I know we got to see Mary-Louise versus Celeste and Mary-Louise versus Renata and Mary-Louise versus Madeline and Renata versus the trains and Jane versus her bangs, but you brought this whole entire ass show back just to conclude it with a group of white women escorting a black woman to prison?
3. The same black woman whose only narrative purpose in season 1 besides “be a Lululemon mannequin and occasionally crochet crystals while men ogle her” was to save Celeste’s life?
4. And then you just had her mom die?
5. The same mom you wrote to be abusive, as if “Let’s have Bonnie’s mom be a 50-something black woman who is also maybe a witch” wasn’t enough?
6. This is how you treat her?
7. And you know she’s going to prison now, right?
8. I mean, in a just world she shouldn’t, of course, but she’s a) a black woman who b) killed a white man and then c) allowed those white women to convince her to be the fulcrum of a criminal motherfucking conspiracy, and you know how that probably ends for her, right?
9. SO EVERY PRINCIPAL CHARACTER GETS A HAPPY-ISH ENDING—CELESTE KEEPS THE KIDS; MADELINE RENEWS HER VOWS WITH ADAM SCOTT’S CHIN; JANE GETS A PONYTAIL; AND RENATA PLAYS BASEBALL—EXCEPT FOR THE ONLY BLACK WOMAN, DAVID E. KELLY?
10. If you bring back this show for a third season (Don’t!!!) and it starts with Bonnie in prison or Bonnie just getting out of prison and hugging her cute but mute daughter, do you know that I’m going to break into your house and melt down each of your Emmys into big little sparkling flasks?