That collapse was epic. The loss was monumental. The choke was porn level. Atlanta ATL'd that shit. There’s really no way to sugarcoat it: If you’re a fan of the Atlanta Falcons, it sucks to be you right now. I can’t imagine what that locker room felt like after that loss last night. Tom Brady did what Tom Brady does and when it mattered most, he put numbers on the board. Tom Brady ascended into GOAT status and used the Atlanta Falcons’ defense as his stepping stool. The Falcons’ defense that played so well early in the game clearly lost gas, and Brady began exposing their tired secondary. Eight minutes, Tom Brady, you’re on. And the rest is history.
I’m not saying anything that you don’t know. You watched it. This game was some kind of abstract referendum on all that was right with the world (the Falcons) versus Team Trump (the Patriots), and just like in November, somehow, someway, the Patriots went patriot, with the difference here being at least Tom Brady is the best, most qualified person (argumentative, I know) to do what he did last night.
Grieve, Atlanta. Grieve, but not for too long. See, while this loss hurts I am here to offer some solace, some sunshine where there is perhaps a dark cloud. I’m here to remind you, Atlanta, and Atlanta Falcons fans, exactly what it is that you’re working with. From one ATLien to a vast many of you, here are 10 reasons why you can still hold your head high even though Atlanta sucks at finishing shits sportswise.
1. Atlanta still gets to be…Atlanta.
While it’s not close to being true, for everybody who has never been, Atlanta is a place where life is a non-stop Migos song while strippers make it clap for sport on street corners just because they're awake. Atlanta has a veneer of being a city of life, fun, entertainment, and opulence, and while it’s exaggerated (though not completely untrue), who DOESN’T want to visit Atlanta and see what it’s all about. Now, you might decide it’s overrated once you get there, but you need to come to find out. Aside from New York City, Los Angeles, and Las Vegas, what other city comes with that kind of positive energy?
Also, I did not include New Orleans here because New Orleans is every bit as awesome as advertised. Go to New Orleans. Just stay in the touristy parts. But go. Right now.
2. Your team made it to the Super Bowl.
The following four teams have never even sniffed the Super Bowl: the Cleveland Browns (let’s be real, they probably never will), the Detroit Lions (better chances than Cleveland, but still), the Jacksonville Jaguars (I sometimes forget they even have a team, as I’m sure does the city of Jacksonville), and the Houston Texans (you know, that team with the great defense that paid Brock Osweiler, like, $2 trillion to be bad in a fucking stadium with retractable roof). Atlanta has been there twice. Maybe the third time is the charm? Let’s go with that.
Damon and I had a conversation this past summer after he went to Houston about the strip clubs there and his belief that Houston is probably the strip club capital of America. I think there might be more in Houston per capita than anywhere else or something. Damon has never been to Atlanta and witnessed the spectacle of the Blue Flame or Strokers or Magic City or Nikki’s (RIP), or the Gentleman’s Club or Stewart Avenue in it’s prime. I’m just saying Damon needs to visit Atlanta because Atlanta, you are so beautiful.
While Freaknik is no more, Freaknik did exist. Atlanta, you did that. While Freaknik in its heyday was probably one of the worst municipal nightmares of all time, the event itself put Atlanta on the urban pop culture map in such a way that the myth of it still lives on and has helped create the idea of Atlanta as Black party central. Miami is Miami, but Atlanta is where you go be, young, Black and act a fool. And throw money.
5. The Atlanta University Center
You ALSO go to Atlanta to be young, gifted, and Black. Sure there are other cities with HBCUs. But Atlanta lays claim to Morehouse College and Spelman College. Morehouse Man and Spelman Woman. It’s just…different. Atlanta has that. Also, Morehouse's greatest alumnus, and the only Black person to have an entire monument dedicated to him on the National Mall is an ATLien, the first person to throw up the 6 while he was ridin’ thru Edgewood. I can’t prove that, by the way. And on a pop culture note, the AUC, and in particular the adjoining campuses of Morehouse College and Clark Atlanta University have been in more movies lately (and now television shows) than a mother. Just off the top of my head, Morehouse and Clark have hosted Mission College, Georgia A&M U, Atlanta A&T U and Truth University.
6. Love it or hate it, Atlanta is still the Black music capital of America
You can hate every last song and sound that comes out of Atlanta if you want to, but you can’t stop the reign. Migos from the nawf. Outkast from East Point, College Park. Goodie Mob from the SWATS. Gucci from the 6. Rappers from all over Atlanta have taken over your airwaves, and have for years, and if they aren’t from Atlanta, you probably think they are. What started in the early 90s continues today. You’re welcome.
7. Popeye’s is Headquarter in Atlanta.
And who doesn’t love Popeye’s. You can say you don’t, but you are a liar. Shit, I want Popeye's right now. Yeah, that way.
8. Coca-Cola is headquartered in Atlanta.
And who doesn’t love Coke. It's the perfect mixer for your brown liquors and your rums. It's all win. You love Coke.
9. Home Depot is headquartered in Atlanta.
And who doesn’t love Home Depot. Shoot, sometimes I go to Home Depot just to walk the aisles and think about the house I'll never build with the tools I'll never buy.
10. Atlanta is the city with the best hometown anthems. You can argue about this. You will be wrong.
So rest easy, tomorrow never dies, we’re all undefeated today, and Atlanta is still Atlanta.