So it turns out that the NFL’s Carolina Panthers franchise is about to be up for sale. The current owner, Jerry Richardson, is going to put the club up for sale after reports of several payouts being made to victims of sexual misconduct came out via Sports Illustrated.
2017 is definitely the year of getting creeps out of there. Owning an NFL team puts you in rare air. There are only 32 NFL franchises, so getting into that club is both exciting and difficult as hell. And white.
With the news that the Panthers are going to be up for sale, Sean “Diddy/Puffy/Puff” Combs (we will call him Puff in this article) posted a video and tweeted his interest in becoming the next owner of the Panthers. Steph Curry, a Charlotte, N.C., native, also wants in. Glory day.
Puff is a very, very rich man—his reported net worth is almost $1 billion (around $820 million)—but the Panthers are worth an estimated $2.3 billion. Puff is going to have to put together a solid team of folks to make a reality where he could maybe be the primary owner.
For the record, I do think it can happen—financially, at least—but I wonder if the league would welcome the mogul to the table. All of that has to be sorted and worked out in the coming months. But for now, I can dream and shit. Here are 10 reasons that this needs to happen. The NFL probably doesn’t even realize that it needs this to be a thing.
1. It immediately makes Charlotte a cooler place.
Look, I like Charlotte just fine. It’s a swell city. Lush and shit. Very nice foliage. The CIAA tourney is awesome, and I know some absolutely wonderful people from the city. A few years ago, Charlotte was supposed to become the next Atlanta. I think we can all agree that never happened. Puff immediately fixes that problem. LeBron went to Cleveland and folks looked at Cleveland like, “You know what? Maybe I should holler at Cleveland.” Same shit. All kinds of famous folks might stop through Charlotte just to holler at Puff.
2. Puff might single-handedly lift the Charlotte nightclub economy.
Puff is no spring chicken, but does anybody think that this man couldn’t (or wouldn’t) go out partying seven days a week in a place like Charlotte just to find something to do? He’d have to set up shop and roots down there and stay during the season at least, I’m guessing. I’m not sure if Puff ever sleeps anyway, so he’d have to find something to do. He’d stop at different clubs and food spots and spend all kinds of money, and his folks would do so, too. I’m just saying, there is no nightlife downside to this.
3. Ciroc everywhere!
While I’m a brown-liquor fellow myself, it seems like many of you still drink that white. We all know Puffy is the main marketer and promoter for Ciroc. Half of you think he OWNS it. He’d mess around and turn Charlotte into the Ciroc capital of the world, taking that title from the Park at 14th in Washington, D.C., which has so much of the shit that I’ve literally been handed free ENTIRE bottles on several occasions.
4. Cam Newton could finally have somebody sit his ass down and get his fashion right.
I realize this is No. 4 on my list, but we all know this is one of the biggest upsides. You remember how the current owner wanted Cam to stay straight-laced with no tats and shit. Well, maybe Puff would encourage Cam to get tatted up, and that might even out his style or something. Or maybe Puff would become the outfitter for all of the Panthers players or something. I don’t know. But anything that helps Cam stop Cammin’ it up fashionwise can only be seen as a net positive for not only the league but mankind. And if Cam is your fashion spirit animal, just fucking stop.
5. The games would be just as exciting for who might be there.
Puff’s box would be the most insane box of all time. I’m talking DJs, good food and drank and celebs all the time. Random folks would come through on Sundays to attend Panthers games. Pharrell? Mary J.? Barack Obama? Who knows? The possibilities are literally endless because of the sheer number of people Puff has connections with.
6. The Charlotte music market might get much-needed glow.
I don’t know anything about Charlotte rappers. I think Big Daddy Kane lives down there, but I could also be making that up. Point is, every artist in Charlotte and the surrounding areas and into South Carolina would be trying to get to Puff, so they’d all have to step their games up. But what if Puff decided to randomly show up at events and shows and look for some burgeoning new acts of any type? Lordt.
7. Atlanta is a three- to three-and-a-half-hour drive, and I’m sure it’s much quicker by private jet, and I’m sure Puffy has access to one, but I don’t, so I always drive.
Bruh. Atlanta would even catch some of the shine here. Puff could wake up and be like, “Yo, I want to go to Spondivits this morning,” and be there on a private jet in, like, 15 minutes. NOBODY LOSES HERE!
8. This opens the door for more opportunities for blacks in positions of power in the NFL.
You want to put the right football people in the right positions to win. But I think there’d be a natural tendency for a black owner, especially like Puff, to look more favorably on qualified black applicants for jobs. What’s better than one billionaire? Two. Especially when they from the same hue as you.
9. Bruh, the halftime shows.
Let’s be real—you and I BOTH know that Puff is gonna require himself to be part of the halftime shows at least once a season. At least. They might fuck around and catch a Super Bowl in Charlotte. Assuming they can get their inclusion policies together. North Cack is still North Cack.
10. Most importantly, this would really test white folks’ love for football—IN THE SOUTH.
Can you imagine—and this is probably why it wouldn’t happen—white people up in arms at any changes Puff might want to make to anything? The racism and trolls would come out in full force, but they wouldn’t be able to do shit because Puff is Puff and would be franchise owner.
Dear racist white people, (potentially) take that, take that.