1. You saw his Facebook profile, and his latest status read, “I’m not like other black people, because I watched Frasier.”
2. You read one of his tweets, which read, “The black kids in my high school didn’t like me because I wore Vans and listened to Linkin Park.”
3. You’ve met other people who’ve also met him, and they’ve told you, “Hey, this guy told me he’s not like other black people.”
And then you were like, “Word? What makes him special?”
And then they were like, “He goes hiking sometimes, I guess.”
4. He’s looking at you, waiting for the opportunity to tell you that he’s not like other black people.
5. He’s probably eating a bowl of squash or radishes or something, which he wants you to notice. Because he assumes you’ll think its weird that he’s eating some squash, because black people don’t eat squash.
(Meanwhile, you had butternut squash for dinner last night, and it was delicious.)
6. You see him and think, “Hey, there goes a guy who might have some things in common with some other black people I know.”
And he sees you looking at him like that, and before you can even say anything, he says, “Nah. I’m different.”
7. He works for Fox News.
8. He’s wearing a shirt and some pants, neither of which is particularly fashionable or unfashionable. It’s just a shirt and some pants. But he notices you noticing his unnoticeable shirt and pants, and he says, “I’m not into labels.”
9. He tells you about his interests—which include things like jogging on treadmills, reading comic books while sitting on couches, and eating toast —and prefaces his brave confession with, “Don’t judge me.”
10. He already told you, “I’m not like other black people.”
And you were like, “Word? Why not?”
And he was like, “Because I drive a Subaru. And I got teased in middle school for watching Friends.”
And you were like, “Um, I know mad niggas with Subarus. There’s even a Facebook group I’m in called Niggas With Subarus. We meet once a month and play spades. And Seinfeld was the shit!”
And then he was like, “Still. I’m not like other black people.”