Code Red Films

#Tenthingsnottosaytoawriter has been trending all day, and has produced some gems, including…

…and…

But, what do writing-ass people actually want to hear? Good question.

1. "Yeah, we definitely pay writers. Wouldn't dare ask you to work for free or for "recognition" or some bullshit like that."

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2. "We have direct deposit."

3. "We received and processed your invoice, and your check is on the way."

4. "Do you mind editing this document for me? Oh, and what's your hourly rate?"

5. "Man, I could never be a writer. Thinking of an engaging and unique topic and angle. Writing, editing, rewriting, and editing again — and making it all cohesive, readable, and even entertaining — just seems like a lot of work. I don't know how you do it."

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6. "Are you hungry? I have a bunch of extra pancakes and lobster and bacon from this morning. Come right over and get some. Oh, and help yourself to that bottle of Grey Goose too! I know it's been a tough day."

7. "The wifi is complimentary."

8. "We need to establish a new holiday. Call it "Give a writer some sloppy and enthusiastic head" day. And today could be the first day!"

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9. "You know, after seeing your headline, I was ready to fire off an angry email to you. But then I read the entire piece — and then read some of your previous work for a better context and understanding of your voice and perspective — and I get it. I still disagree, but I see your point."

10. "Thanks."