Meek Mill (Jason Merritt/Getty Images for Tidal/Roc Nation)

1. Not only is Drake winning right now, Meek Mill is actively losing. "Baby lotion soft"? That's the best you have? Come on Meek. These niggas churn out trash songs at an alarmingly fast clip, but we're four days later and the best we have is some tweets from Meek and words on stage at his girl's tour? Come on, man. Meek…you lookin' real baby lotion soft right now. This niggas spends the better part of his days yelling at everybody but now we hear nothing. You're losing, gawd. Amen.

2. "Back To Back" is some kind of disrespectful. Drake, you a rude nigga, my nigga. The cover art is the famous picture of Joe Carter hitting the game-winning homerun to lift the Toronto Blue Jays over the Philadelphia Phillies in 1993, giving them their back-to-back World Series titles after having won in 1992. Can we just talk about how rude that shit is? Drake…you are a rude nigga.

Advertisement

I respect it. THAT's how you kick off a dis record, shading a motherfucker before a word is even uttered. I like this move. A lot.

3. The Funk Flex debacle...Meek, if you ain't have a track ready, DON'T LET THE MOUTH OF NEW YORK amp that shit up. Now you just look slow and, dare I say, not like a boss. Rick Ross cannot be happy about this right now. I hate Flex anyway so shit like this just adds fuel to the "Flex must go" fire. Quit making yourself a story, b.

4. Quentin Miller was very smart with this tumblr post about the "ghostwriting" accusations. You do not bite the hand that feeds you, especially when that hand can probably feed you for the next ten years. Easy money, b. Easy money. Shit, if I was Quentin Miller, I'd have said, "that "10 Bands" reference was me taking my shot at reciting Drake's words but I realized I wasn't as good. I thought I deleted it but somebody got a hold to it and here we are. Fuck whoever did that." Barry Bonds ain't never gonna see the inside of a jail because his peoples are loyal as fuck. Bond's folks are going to prison for him because they know when they get out…they good money.

Advertisement

With 10 bands, 50 bands, 100 bands fuck it man, let's just not even discuss it man. Don't discuss it indeed.

5. Let's talk about "Back To Back". Drake got jokes, y'all. Lots of them. And they're good jokes. But this line right here sums up why Drake wins…

Yeah, trigger fingers turn to twitter fingers
You gettin' bodied by a singin' nigga

Advertisement

It's REALLY hard to body a super self-aware nigga with a sense of humor about his place in the world, who also happens to be better at what he does than most other people doing it. Drake is on everybody's record because everybody knows that he sells. You turn the Drake record into a single. Period. There ain't no Drake filler records. Nobody gives a shit that Meek Mill dissed somebody…we only cared cuz he went at Drake and folks wanted to see how he'd respond. We're all happy that Drake IS responding musically because we weren't sure how Drake would respond at all. I know now and my life is better. It aint like Drake dropped the illest dis record of all time (though I do think its a good record), it's more like…damn Drake is actually dropping real dis records. We likey.

Nobody really cares about Meek's comeback, we're just all glad that Drake cared enough to respond. More Drake records is better for the world. More Meek records…eh…

6. Poor Meek. Stuck between a dude who makes his songs better and his girlfriend who is a good friend of Drake. But Meek is a rapper so he has to come back, but holy fuck he's taking his time. It's 2015…we're losing interest Meek. You've got like 27 hours tops before niggas are over you.

Advertisement

7. The dumbest part about this all is that dissing Drake is just stupid anyway. Drake gon' be alright. Two years from now when Meek Mill is working at Starbucks with Vin Baker, Drake will still be releasing albums and making money. Love him or hate him, the boy is talented as fuck. And he knows it.

8. Similarly, this is how you know Drake really does give a shit about Nicki, he clowned Meek while paying deference to Nicki. Hip hop's track record when it comes to women sucks, when it comes to dis tracks and women in niggas lives, it sucks more. Drake went full Drake and respected Nicki while clowning Meek. Good show, Drake. This is why women will continue to support you, beard or no beard.

9. "Shout out to the boss bitches wifin' niggas" ~ So disrespectful. But so hilarious.

Advertisement

10. I am curious to what Meek is going to come back with. I'm sure it will be a vitriolic dis, where he spews lines about how pussy Drake is and how soft he is and all that shit. Ya know, the things Drake gets clowned on via Twitter daily. And yet Drake is out here winning anyway. I'm not saying Drake is teflon, but most of these niggas out here ain't dumb enough to go at a dude who can 1) actually spit (fuck what ya heard); and 2) get on one of their records and introduce them to the charts. I'm not much of a Meek Mill fan anyway. He's got some hot records obviously. But no Meek Mill in my life isn't really ruining it either. Also, I don't rule out them niggas having a talk somewhere, a moscato summit of sorts, and squashing it for Nicki's sake. But for now, Meek…

…you're on the clock. And the clock is ticking. Bawse.

BONUS:

11. Safaree is probably somewhere smiling his ass off. And by somewhere I mean wondering why he sucks as a rapper. At Starbucks. With Vin Baker.