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We’ve all been in those relationships that we thought were going somewhere promising when in reality it was leading us down to the makings of an Adele album. I have been so fascinated with the thought of forever and that white picket fence that I have ended up becoming so delusional that I ignored what was right in front of my eye. Let’s chalk this up to the fact that I haven’t been to the optometrist in a month of Sundays. How-some-ever, we become caught in a state of euphoria and thanks to a few timely responses and orgasmic sex; we now see the world through rose colored glasses.

It is scientifically proven that good sex, like Popeyes, will have you doing things out of your character and being in a situationship might be one of them. A situationship, as I was told, is a situation that is solely based on the fear of loneliness, convenience and compatibility. These “situationships” are like a sense of purgatory. You are stuck in a perpetual state of wonder and you find yourself asking questions not even google can answer. Trust me, I’ve searched.

So how did EYE know, I was in a situationship? I’m glad you asked!

Communication, like my edges after a Beyonce’ performance, were sparse.

I noticed that I rarely if ever talked to them on the phone and when we talked it was because I initiated the phone call or via text messages. I sat there and realized that a strong 95% of our conversations met the 140 character count on twitter and that’s when I found an issue. With the texts, there was no general interest in me as a person or the lovely two family household I came from. I think a Deaconess in the church or Demetria Lucas said that if someone really wants to get to know you they’ll call and not just text. This resonated in me and I governed myself accordingly until…

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They provided me with nothing short of Euphoric Ecstasy.

I read in a fortune cookie or on a Wikipedia page that, the person that gives you the best sex of your life is usually the person you should not be with, and we all know fortune cookies and Wikipedia hold the meaning of life in them. This particular situationship provided mind blowing sex that after it was done, I contemplated whom I should make their next rental check out to. I was having consistent sex, correction, consistent good sex and living in such a small city, those two things together are like finding a Kerri Hilson platinum album. But then I realized it only came around when it was convenient and it did not come with a title or sense of security. Good sex without a sense of security or a title is basically an episode of Scandal waiting to happen.

There was no title.

Titles, like black lives, matter – let no one tell you differently. Now mind you we have been “dating” for a strong 6 months, and this in gay terms is the equivalent to almost 2 years. And still there was no title. We would do all of the conventional things a couple would do, but yet there was no title. We were at a family function and I would be introduced as the “friend”. After hearing this introduction, I thought “so do you sleep with all your friends before they meet your family”. Then came the point where I was hit the option of “exclusively dating.” Please note, write down, and meditate on the fact that the term “exclusively dating” is a term used by fuck boys to give you a fake sense of security.

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These three instances made me reevaluate the importance I played in this person’s life and I realized that I was basically functional and not instrumental. I basically was the second lead vocalist in this situation and no one wants to live a life that warrants that title. So, I laid my burdens at the altar and started my process of escaping from this state of purgatory. This included many containers of ice cream, wine and the occasional journey into the land of self love. I basically turned my life into a Chicken Soup for the Homosexual Soul. Remember that people will show you how to treat them, you just have to be observant and never forget the African American proverb from Chris Brown “These hoes, ain’t loyal.”

Govern yourselves accordingly.