Does Steve Bannon Have Greyscale? (Asking for a Friend)

Chip Somodevilla/Getty Images
Chip Somodevilla/Getty Images

Just as discriminating against someone for their race, their ethnicity, their gender, their sexual orientation, their religion, their age, their disabilities, their health, their perceived intelligence and perhaps even their feelings about kombucha is (rightly) frowned upon, it’s also (usually) not cool to disparage someone for their physical appearance, since it remains (mostly) inflexible and out of a person’s control.


These rules, however, do not apply to wizened banana stuck in a Nazi’s Challenger Hellcat tailpipe Steve Bannon, who is ugly as fuck. Because Bannon’s ugliness synopsizes his wretched soul and allows for an immediate and unambiguous repudiation of his beliefs. Someone who looks like that considering himself to be a member of a master race is so absurd that there’s no possible analogy hyperbolic enough to reinforce that absurdity. His ugliness is analogy-proof! It transcends time, space, status, station and gravity. His ugliness is an event horizon.

This Marriott-continental-breakfast-sausage-gravy-looking motherfucker is so ugly that some—including the homie Samantha Irby—have surmised that he might have greyscale, the (mostly) incurable and really, really, really, really, really bad dermatitis from Game of Thrones. And while greyscale doesn’t actually exist, Bannon’s ugliness transcends reality, too, so this is possible!

Anyway, does Steve Bannon have greyscale? Let’s look at the evidence.

Reasons that Steve Bannon totally, definitely, might have greyscale: 

  1. Since he’s always photographed in ill-fitting suits and long-sleeved shirts, we’ve never actually seen his arms or legs. Probably because he has greyscale.
  2. To my knowledge, he has never met Samwell Tarly. Which means if he once had greyscale, he still has that shit. This nigga has greyscale.

Reasons that Steve Bannon might not have greyscale: 

  • *None.*

It’s confirmed. Steve Bannon has greyscale.

Damon Young is the editor-in-chief of VSB, a contributing opinion writer for The New York Times, and the author of What Doesn't Kill You Makes You Blacker (Ecco/HarperCollins)



I believe this, mostly because I also believe that Kellyanne Conway has greyscale trait.