35 Things I Thought Were Signs of Extreme Wealth When I Was Younger

Illustration for article titled 35 Things I Thought Were Signs of Extreme Wealth When I Was Younger
Photo: Shutterstock (Shutterstock)

1. A garage

2. A basketball hoop on said garage

3. A fiberglass basketball hoop (if you had this, I assumed you were Warren Buffet)


4. A pantry

5. A finished basement

6. A family with two cars

7. A salary of over $60,000 a year

8. Annual family vacations

9. Having separate hoop shoes and school shoes and playing around at home shoes

10. Buying food from the regular menu at Wendy’s and not the extra value menu

11. A porch

12. Cable TV in multiple rooms

13. Braces

14. A house that gave out full-size candy bars at Halloween

15. Eating shrimp

16. A house with two bathrooms with showers

17. One of those refrigerators that dispense water (I actually still believe that the people who have one of these are rich)

18. An answering machine

19. Lawn furniture

20. A desktop computer

21. Being somewhere that required a valet

22. A Black girl who only has white friends

23. A Discman

24. A living room with no TVs

25. Being Asian-American

26. Credit cards

27. Grey Poupon (those commercials worked)

28. Healthy grandparents

29. Good credit

30. Getting on an airplane

31. Living in the suburbs

32. Having a Super Soaker when they first came out

33. Owning an inflatable pool (owning an actual inground pool was reserved for Scrooge McDuck)

34. Bringing Valentine’s Day cards and candy to school for everyone and not just your friends

35. Virginity

Damon Young is the editor-in-chief of VSB, a contributing opinion writer for The New York Times, and the author of What Doesn't Kill You Makes You Blacker (Ecco/HarperCollins)



36. Privacy

37. Name-brand stuff

38. Neighborhood parks you have to show resident ID to get in (all the Grosse Pointes have these)

39. “I have a half day at school coz I have a _______ appointment.” Fill in: dermatologist, orthodontist, psychologist, plastic surgery, stylist in New York

edit: guess I got a bit literal there