A List of Broke-Ass Shit Still Less Broke Than Y'all's Broke-Ass President

Illustration for article titled A List of Broke-Ass Shit Still Less Broke Than Yalls Broke-Ass President
Photo: Tasos Katopodis (Getty Images)

1. Lonzo Ball’s jump shot

2. The Pittsburgh Public School System

3. The Kardashians, if they lived in a world where spicy-ish white girls weren’t catnip to thirsty niggas


4. Me, at 26

5. Actually, me until like 17 minutes ago

6. The clippers that Rajon Rondo’s bubble barber must’ve used


7. The Barksdale family by season five of The Wire

8. Candice Owens’ edges, even though I don’t really know what edges are, but I’ve heard that hers are quite broke

9. Barron Trump in 10 years, if his broke-ass daddy keeps putting electric bills in his name

10. Back Mountain (Get it? Broke-Back? Mountain? Nevermind.)

11. My faith in both the spice and the “chicken” in McDonald’s spicy chicken nuggets


12. Everyone today who was signed to Bad Boy Records in 2001

13. All the Pittsburgh niggas who rushed to Whiskey Dicks in the Strip each Saturday night in 2003 because drinks were free before 11 pm


14. Skype’s self-esteem, after Zoom came through and ate all its food

15. One of my yet-to-be-extracted wisdom teeth, unfortunately

16. Literally every vending machine that carries Fritos

17. The promise I made with myself in April to stop eating so many honey roasted peanuts


18. One of my neighbor’s commitment to social distancing

19. Any remaining faith in white Americans, collectively, to do the right thing

20. America

Damon Young is the editor-in-chief of VSB, a contributing opinion writer for The New York Times, and the author of What Doesn't Kill You Makes You Blacker (Ecco/HarperCollins)

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All the members of N’Sync not named Justin Timberlake. A boy band from the 90's. People that went on Real World/Road Rules Challenge. MC Hammer and his accountant. Mel Kiper Jr’s hairdresser. Cornel West’s tailor. The MTA in NYC. Rudy Guiliani and Judge Jeannine’s Uber driver