2014 BET Hip-Hop Awards Recap

Nicki Minaj and Lil' Wayne (Kevin Winter/Getty Images)
Nicki Minaj and Lil' Wayne (Kevin Winter/Getty Images)

In keeping with the stereotype that Black folks are always late, BET aired the 2014 Hip-Hop Awards last night something like three weeks after it filmed in Atlanta. Why? My guess is because there's usually a fight or twelve at the hip-hop awards and BET wanted the ability to edit it out, ya know, just in case. Can't say I blame them. I guess.

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Anyway, I'm going to have to revisit my tweets to figure out what happened because I actually can't remember it at all. That's not completely true. I remember a few things. Let's dive in and see where this goes.

  • There was at least one highlight of the night in the "I Wanna Be Down (Remix)" reunion where Brandy came out lookin' like everything I've ever wanted in a boo, then MC Lyte came out and looked like the baddest woman in the land who hasn't aged in 20 years. She's so hot. Yo-Yo and Queen Latifah did their thing. Point is, this song came out almost 20 years ago. That is amazing.
  • Speaking of old niggas being amazing, Doug E. Fresh won a lifetime achievement award and he and Snoop performed "Lodi Dodi" off of Doggystyle, a song that came out at least 20 years ago.
  • Snoop was the host. This is either a good thing or a bad thing. Turns out it was both. As a host, he's pretty unremarkable. However, as a personality on stage who dances and sings everybody's song with them? He was golden. Remember how Jill Scott was living her life like she was golden? Same thing.
  • That reminds me, though, how terrible Snoop is at Instagram. I follow him because I hate myself mostly. He has more random ass pictures that are clearly accidents that he decided to post anyway. Foot? Yep. Random ass blurry photo of an exit sign? Yep. Sprinkled amidst the pictures of his children, wife, and large catalog of self-appointed and monogrammed paraphernalia, are random ass shots of "why did I take this picture but I should post it anyway."
  • One of the main reasons I watched this awards show aside from Tweeting with the Black populace was because I saw that Young Thug was going to be performing live a few times (once with Rich Gang compatriot, Rich Homie Quan who accepted an award with no shirt on and once with T.I. performing "About The Money"). I wanted to see how unintelligible he was live. Pretty darn, as it turns out. You know how folks try to sing along wtih songs all the time that they know and love? Not one damn person could sing along with"Lifestyle". Folks were just swaying back and forth. Even Future, the godfather of this unintelligible shit couldn't sing along. It looked like a church full of Black people humming along to the 2nd and 3rd verses of "Lift Ev'ry Voice And Sing".
  • Wiz Khalifa's Taylor Gang cypher was as bad as you think it would be. Wiz Khalifa isn't really the best rapper on the planet but he knows how to make a hit. Now imagine a crew of people worse than Wiz Khalifa who also can't make a hit. Then picture Wiz Khalifa's 6'something" ass wearing what looked like white jeggings and an over-sized hoodie. He looked like a really cold woman. And THAT was the most interesting part of the Taylor Gang cypher.
  • Common, Vincent Staples, and Jay Electronica did the song "Kingdom" off Com's last album whose name I forget because nobody remembers it. Jay Electronica showed up and continued to troll his fans since everybody knows we're never getting a Jay Electronica album. But here he goes anyway with his random hot verse tease.
  • Migos came out looking like a lot of bad fashion decisions. I have no idea their individual names, but one Migo had on what looked like a paisley jumper. It might have been two pieces but looked like a big ass onesie. Don't wear onesies on stage, yo. Just don't do it.
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I'm struggling right here. Seriously. I've got the amnesia Kevin Hart has in this season opener of Real Husbands of Hollywood.

  • I can barely remember any awards. In fact, I'm guessing they aired maybe 3 or 4.
  • Bobby Shmurda closed out the show with the song "Hot Nigga". It was not an impressive performance but literally every single person in the audience was waiting for this song to come on. I love that song despite it being one of the most violent songs in the history of ever. But still, Free Meeshie, ho.
  • The only cypher that stood out to me was the live cypher done towards the end of the show and that's only because Murda Mook tore the stage down. He took shots at Drake. That was fun. I don't keep up with the beefs like I used to so I'm sure somebody knows why they were beefing. Not I said the Panama.
  • One highlight was Remy Ma and Papoose being on a cypher and doing a verse together. Now, I know many of you love Remy Ma. I'm not one of you. I like Papoose even less. But hey, Black love and shit.

Aight, that's all I have. Literally. I know many of you watched the awards. What were your highlights?

Panama Jackson is the Senior Editor of Very Smart Brothas. He's pretty fly for a light guy. You can find him at your mama's mama's house drinking all her brown liquors.

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DISCUSSION

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God Shammgod

My ratchet highlights of the cypher showcase - I mean, BET Awards

1)Somebody needs to make a vine of David Banner standing there pretending to read the same dayumn line over and over againfor like 3 straight minutes. Doing the most with the least. N***a why you got on a tweed jacket and leather pants??
2)Whole bunch of teenage Eminem fans were let into the cyphers this year. I blame Macklemore.
3) Speaking of Columbusing, some ritz cracker used his cypher to drop the line "I speak to the people like Malcolm." I just….yeah.
4) Erica Mena standing up and applauding Keyshia Cole being allowed to cross state lines after being arrested for assault and battery just so she can present at the BET Awards is the living embodiment of "birds of a feather"
5)Migos (which I only recently learned was three people) was dressed like every African Auntie's living room. One of them was wearing the drapes, another one had couch fabric, last one had the rug. And all of their pants were made out of plastic covering.
6) What did they bribe Jay Electronica with to get him to stomach being in the presence of black folks for 5 minutes? I'm going with gold-tipped incense sticks forged with Supreme Mathematics.
7)DJ Mustard is the best producer ever at sampling a 5-year olds first piano lessons. Chopsticks for the trap ya bish.
8)I just heard my first Troy Ave bars ever. In related news, I just heard my last Troy Ave bars ever.
9) Remy Ma and Papoose just showed us what black love truly is. I bet you Papoose helps grease her scalp at night. #relationshipgoals
10) Guys, someone call ACS. No really. Terrio needs help. He cant even bend his arms anymore. Shmoney dance turned into a windmill.