Photo: Panama Jackson

I recently wrote about my first visit to Martha’s Vineyard and some of my impressions. ‘Twas a splendiferous time. But what I didn’t share was the tremendous amount of new knowledge I learned about myself after spending roughly a week up yonder. I’d like to share, with you, some of my personal findings since sharing is caring and I believe that the children are our future; the more you know and shit. Ding.

1. I’m really, really uncomfortable with not locking (or hell, fully closing) doors at night or when I’m not at home.

Before getting up to the island, we were sent a four-page information letter; ya know, some facts and figures about Oak Bluffs from insiders to outsiders. One of those things was the fact that the culture there is one where folks don’t ever lock doors, and hell, many people leave them open. Apparently, it’s one of the safest places in America. This makes sense, especially with it being an island that you have to actually pay (and plan ahead) to get off of.

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I live in Washington, D.C. Shit gets locked, B. Cars. Houses. Bikes. Computers. Socks. Greens. Beans. Tomatoes. You name it. The front door of the house we were staying damn near has to be pried open if you actually close the thing. Read that again. Basically, the door is almost NEVER CLOSED so you have to force it open if you do. The homies and all had a come-to-Jesus moment about this because we all live in urban centers. Ultimately, we let go and let God, but at night when the door was open and we heard somebody walk by outside, we were ready in case they tried to come through the door and rob us of our fine electronics. Nobody ever did.

2. There is no more vulnerable feeling than having two toddlers in an ice cream shop, seeing a sign that says “cash only” and realizing that you have no cash and having to ask the homie to buy your kids some ice cream.

While my friends and I can sing The Golden Girls theme song to each other and mean it all the live-long day, nobody wants to have to ask the homie to cover something you ain’t got. So many shops in Oak Bluffs (can’t speak for the rest of the island) are cash only. And being the swipe-that-card type of motherfucker that I am, this presented a conundrum when I was in the first ice cream shop with my kids, who will look at me with all of the disappointment they could muster if I had to take them out of the shop without ice cream to find an ATM, of which there were plenty. Point is, not having cash in a store that’s cash only is some real vulnerable shit, holmes.

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3. Turns out that I don’t really care for beaches.

Not much to see here but the idea of “the beach” is so much better than the actuality of it to me. For one, walking on sand with little kids is some bullshit. For two, lugging all that shit across the sand on the beach just to bake in the sun for a few hours is not the business. Now, I’d never rob my kids of going to the beach or anything, but I’m just saying that I’ll be OK if I don’t ever go to “the beach” again.

4. I extra-especially hate the song “Boo’d Up” by Ella Mai now. I hope to never ever hear it again ever.

This is kind of tangential, but we drove up to Martha’s Vineyard. Well, we drove to Woods Hole and ferried over to Martha’s Vineyard. Anyway, we rocked the Sirius XM station The Heat the whole way up and holy fuckcakes, Batman, did “Boo’d Up” play at least twice an hour. I don’t even understand why people like it in general, but there’s nothing like sitting in traffic on the George Washington Bridge trying to get from New Jersey into New York City while “Boo’d Up” plays on three of the four stations you listen to simultaneously. I felt like I was being incepted.

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5. I didn’t watch one lick of television for almost an entire week and didn’t realize it. Turns out, I can live without television.

Which is probably somewhat of a lie. I mean, I didn’t watch television, but I did miss episodes of both Power and Queen Sugar in the mean time between time and as soon as I got back to D.C., I fired both of them hoes up on the DVR to catch up on what I missed. BUT, during the hiatus, I didn’t miss television at all. We woke up, chilled and because I was getting notifications from news sites on important happenings, I didn’t feel disconnected nor did I feel like I was missing much. It turns out, the only shows that are must-see for me right now (because they’re on) are Power and Queen Sugar. I can catch up on sports, news and everything else from my phone. If I didn’t have kids, I might be ready to cut the cables, patna!

6. I really like hammocks.

I need one.

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