I think we can all agree that the NFL is either the Illuminati or governed by an inept group of individuals who don't know their johnsons from a stalk of lentils. And since the NFL is more popular than ever and making money hand over fist, I'm going with the former. Given this "fact", its not surprising that the NFL reportedly received a copy of the Ray Rice tape video in April from law enforcement (unauthorized as it may have been) yet has "no knowledge" of ever receiving it and went about their business as usual droppin' that 2-piece suspension on Ray Rice as opposed to the current and more appropos indefinite suspension. Thank goodness for TMZ and public outcry. You just can't go puttin' them paws on women like that and landing KO punches. Also, it's no surprise that Floyd Mayweather came to his defense. Because Floyd.

Anyway, I don't believe for a second that the NFL has no knowledge that they received the video back in April. For one, it happened in a casino. There are more cameras in casinos than than in a Canon factory. Secondly, they had to know the first fact. Allegedly, they asked for information from the wrong jurisdiction. #cmonson. Because of this, I believe the NFL is Joe Jackson. They're a lie and a cheat and I don't want them.


I'm lying. I'm going to watch the game tonight. I'm part of the problem. I almost feel like I need to get that on a tshirt.

Cognitive dissonance aside, I'm starting to feel like the NFL has had their hand in bunch of other stuff that they "have no knowledge of". Through scientific research and diggin' in the crates, I discovered 10 other things that the NFL was in on but had "no knowledge of". Basically I think the NFL be knowing so here are some other things I'm pretty sure they're lying about.

1. Watergate Scandal

Rumor has it that an NFL official was part of the group of individuals who went into the Democratic National Convention headquarters at the Watergate Hotel in 1972. It's long been reported that there were 5 men who were arrested for breaking and entering, but somebody saw a 6th person break out and he had on a shirt that said "I work for the NFL". Nobody has ever been able to prove this individual existed, but the lore is there. When questioned, the NFL claimed to have no knowledge of the scandal and thought that Watergate was something you put in pools to keep toddlers from wading into the deep end.


2. Zapruder film

I'm not saying the NFL had anything to do with the assassination of JFK, Jr. What I am saying is that there are missing frames from the Zapruder film. And I'm saying its entirely possible that the NFL has those missing frames. That's all I'm saying. And even then, I'm not even saying that.

3. Who shot JR Ewing?

If the NFL knows they ain't saying. And we know they know. What's the most popular franchise in the NFL? Dallas. What's the name of the show that featured JR Ewing? Dallas. You do the math.


4. Who called AJ on that last episode of 106 & Park that AJ and Free hosted together?

To this day it's still a mystery. We saw the video, AJ crying on television as he takes a phone call on what is to be his last day hosting 106 & Park. Rumor has it the phone records were requested by and sent to the NFL offices but nobody will confirm or deny that ever happened. When asked, they simply said, "what is BET?" Touché.

5. The location of the Honeycomb Hideout

If the NFL is the illuminati, then they know all. And if they know all, then they know where the Honeycomb Hideout is. But if you ask anybody in the NFL about the Honeycomb Hideout, a hush comes over the crowd and a quick "Nobody knows" is uttered from NFL officials. Somebody's lying, b. And it aint the hushed crowd. They asked the question.


6. What is Stonehenge really?

They know they know, we know we know. But when asked, they have repeatedly been mum, pretending to have no clue who, what, where, or why…Stonehenge.

7. Nipplegate

Janet took the L, but I'm guessing the NFL had prior knowledge that it was going ot go down no matter WHAT anybody said. They were hoping nobody would notice and it would boost ratings amongst the liberated women crowd. They forgot that the vast majority of NFL fans are of the God, family, football variety and have never seen nipples before. Though to be fair, network television was definitely not the best time to go full nipple. Nipple. Titty sprinkles.


What else do you think the NFL has information about but is swearing they don't?