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All my life I had to fight. That’s not true, but you can’t say “all my life” and NOT add “I had to fight” if you’re black and over a certain age. Shoutouts to The Color Purple and Miss Sophia. Hey, Oprah, boo.

Anyway, all my life I’ve been black. Only recently have I become mixed, and even then I’m the mixed dude who identifies as black who is unnecessarily hard on mixed people. It is my lot in life. I won’t be defeated.

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Anyway, my point in sharing that already available information is that at no point in my life has anybody ever asked for my perspective on anything related to white people. This is probably for a few reasons: 1) many people don’t know that my mother is white; 2) I’m pretty heavily ensconced in the black community and culture; and 3) I barely even KNOW any white people.

This means that asking me to explain things white people do or where white people go to get shit (Lululemon?) would get met with an epic side eye. It just doesn’t happen because I just do not know.

Until today. In Google Hangout. I’m still processing. Hold my mule:

Homie: Hey, you’re half white right...

so maybe you can explain this to me.

why are white people always touching and giving you food with their bare hands?

Me: LMAO

nigga.

im almost offended that you think my black ass has any idea

you are the first person in history who has ever asked me for perspective on white shit

i think im hurt

Homie: again I’m proving that I’m your friend

I like to acknowledge you as your full self, vs. just one half

So.

Me: and yet, im ready to fight you

Homie: thats awfully aggressive

so you dont have an answer

alright, fine.

I hope this is not a trend.