A List of Black People I'm (Mostly) Certain Are Not White Women From Kansas

Illustration for article titled A List of Black People Im (Mostly) Certain Are Not White Women From Kansas
Screenshot: Jimmy Kimmel Live

1. Tyronn Lue

2. My aunt Jean

3. The nigga who played “Poot” from The Wire

4. The cute widdle Black baby model on the box of Pampers I bought yesterday

Illustration for article titled A List of Black People Im (Mostly) Certain Are Not White Women From Kansas
Photo: Me!
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5. Boston University professor Saida Grundy

6. Panama Jackson

7. “Shatasha” from Bone Thugs n’ Harmony

8. Summer Lee

9. That young boy at LA Fitness last year who hurt my feelings when he said he hopes he’s as active as I am when he’s “my age”

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10. My next-door neighbors

11. Whoever cuts Jalen Rose’s hair

12. Every girl I had a crush on in 11th grade

13. 90 percent of Americans whose last name is Washington (seriously)

14. Whoever drew that picture of the Rondo-handed Jesus in Ben Carson’s house

15. Samantha Irby

16. Literally everyone who’s ever said “Nah, fam. You good.” and meant it as a threat

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17. Me

18. Tyler Perry’s wig grip

19. James and Brandon (just cause everyone knows a few niggas named “James” and “Brandon”)

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20. C.J. McCollum

21. Anyone who attempted to sell you Pre-Paid Legal between 2000 and 2005

22. The closest friends of any white boy called “White Tim”

23. Renée Elise Goldsberry

24. Lena Horne

25. Spike Lee

26. Rich Paul

27. Waka Flocka Flame

28. Danielle Belton

Me, Mike Harriot, Danielle Belton, and root 100 honoree Tanisha Ford—none of whom are white women from Kansas
Me, Mike Harriot, Danielle Belton, and root 100 honoree Tanisha Ford—none of whom are white women from Kansas
Photo: Tanya McKinnon
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29. Who Rachel Dolezal sees when she looks in the mirror

30. All the niggas who said that one woman who pretended to be a nigga ain’t a nigga but got told by other niggas that she was a nigga.

Damon Young is the editor-in-chief of VSB, a contributing opinion writer for The New York Times, and the author of What Doesn't Kill You Makes You Blacker (Ecco/HarperCollins)

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DISCUSSION

I bet everyone who counted her as their black friend is really pissed.