A List of Things the Tenaha, Texas Police Department Can Do With the $70 They 'Seized' In a 'Drug Bust' Last Week

Illustration for article titled A List of Things the Tenaha, Texas Police Department Can Do With the $70 They Seized In a Drug Bust Last Week
Photo: Tenaha Police Department (Facebook)

1. Buy five whole orders of the surprisingly filling Vietnamese Shrimp Summer Rolls at The Cheesecake Factory.


2. Catch a Greyhound from Pittsburgh to Hampton, Va., on Friday the 14th—but only if you book the trip in the next two hours and use the code GREY4CHAR.

3. Pay the parking ticket I got last month and keep meaning to contest (the meter on the block was broken) but keep forgetting to.


4. Cop like seven more packs of organic oregano or cilantro or whatever the fuck that is in those Ziplock bags.

5. Have enough to buy 70 more bottles of water, just so that lonely ass bottle on the table will have some homies.

6. Lease some square footage on that Kevin Hart hill some of y’all niggas seem determined to die dumb-ass deaths on.

7. Get a Bronze Season Pass to Kennywood Park, allowing you free admission until Sept. 15, 2019. (Unfortunately, not included in this price is the amusement tax and processing fee. You’ll have to cover that yourself.)


8. Buy the silverware set this guy who is sitting across from me right now is using to eat his bacon.

9. Give Sisqo 10 dollars for each beach backflip he does in the “Thong Song” video.


10. Get seven more bags of the bite-sized Snickers from Halloween that I told my daughter are all gone but are really just stashed behind some jars of green beans in a kitchen cabinet so I can continue to wait until she goes to bed before I eat one.

Damon Young is the editor-in-chief of VSB, a contributing opinion writer for The New York Times, and the author of What Doesn't Kill You Makes You Blacker (Ecco/HarperCollins)

Share This Story

Get our newsletter


Nunna Yorz - You're NOT my ally just because you hate Trump

Lol, are those really mostly one dollar bills these chucklefucks have spread out across that table???

These dumbasses are really proud of themselves over this small time bullshit. Look at them all decked out in tactical gear like they just took down fucking Escobar or some shit. What they really just did was arrest some dude who only sells a few dime bags out of his parent’s house when he’s not working at Walmart. This is the type of shit people are talking about when they say the so-called war on drugs is a failure.