CNN screenshot

Human Burning Man tipped-over Port-a-Potty Daniel Holtzclaw will spend the rest of his life — plus approximately 200 more years — in prison after being convicted of the rapes and sexual assaults of 13 Black women while he was an Oklahoma City police officer. This sentence gives Holtzclaw over two and a half centuries to cry all the tears he can possibly cry. Boo fucking hoo, bitch.

(Until, of course, he dies in prison, his corpse rots, and his tearducts disintegrate into dust. But until that day, cry away Daniel. Here's some tissue.)

Anyway, just to give you an idea of exactly how long Holtzclaw will be incarcerated, here's a list of things you can do while he's there.

1. Watch season one of "The Wire" 177,221 times. Anyone wishing to catch up on or rewatch "The Wire" can definitely do so while Daniel Holtzclaw spends four lifetimes in prison.

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2. Make four slices of Trader Joe's turkey bacon, three fried over hard eggs, and two Eggos for breakfast 95,995 times. You should probably cut out the eggs a few thousand times, though. Because your cholesterol will be through the roof.

3. Recharge your iPhone 6 Plus 1,151,940 times. I know how pissed I get when I'm out somewhere and my battery is near death. Especially since it takes approximately two hours for it to fully charge. Fortunately, Holtzclaw's sentence gives you the opportunity to charge your iPhone 6 Plus million times.

4. Say "Candyman" in the mirror five times 1,658,793,600 times. It takes a little over five seconds to look in the mirror and say Candyman five times. Which means, if the legend holds true, Holtzclaw will be in prison for enough time for Candyman to jump out of the mirror and slice you 1.6 billion times (assuming he's quick). That said, although supernatural beings might not have to worry about things like stamina and lactic acid and chill, I'm assuming after the millionth or so stabbing, Candyman will chill and just start throwing paper at you.

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5. Listen to Kanye West's verse on "Monster" approximately 138.232,800 times. Although Nicki Minaj (rightly) receives the most props for her song-concluding verse, Kanye's verse remains somewhat underrated. And, since it's roughly a minute long, you can listen to it roughly 138 million times while Holtzclaw's exceedingly punchable face is feasted on by generations after generations after generations after generations after generations after generations after generations after generations after generations after generations after generations after generations after generations after generations after generations after generations after generations after generations after generations after generations after generations after generations after generations after generations after generations after generations after generations after generations of maggots.