Grand Hustle

I can recall the moment Young Dro became my preferred ratchet music vendor. I was sitting in a strip club off Buford highway, when the bass dropped and I heard a chorus with lyrics both simple and profound: Fuck dat bitch. In three simple words Dro had summarized the cause of and prescribed the solution to my personal fury from the 8th grade through age 33. Genius.

Dro spoke to my soul again with “In Da City.” How much? For the past year, I have considered Migos’ “Handsome and Wealthy” - an epic portrayal of the struggles of being both handsome and wealthy - my daily trap motivational song. No more. I have officially replaced it with “In Da City.” Let us examine this important hood anthem.

0:14: Caraingonoroo? What the hell did he just say? Wait, he’s saying it again. Ohhhh, car ain’t got no roof. Is this a song about cars? No, it doesn’t seem so. He’s now talking about Atlanta randomness. But I want him to say caraingonoroo again. That shit is catchy as hell!

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0:24: Ew Varsity. Never eaten there. I was told if you’re preppin’ for a colonoscopy, it’s the perfect spot. You ever had a colonoscopy? I did. Didn’t know what my anus was capable of until I had that prep drink. You haven’t shat until you’ve violently shat water.

0:31: Is this the geriatric version of the robot dude from Chapelle Show? The FUCK …

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0:47: Is Dro Crippin’ or Bloodin’ or what? I need to understand your criminal allegiances, sir. When you’re shot down in the street, we need to know who to blame!

1:00: Is anybody else catchin’ Farnsworth Bentley off to the left giggin’ hard in that homeless get up? Or is that dude from Real Preachers of LA…

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1:26: Why are we just seeing the ass? And what’s with the lazy twerk? Matter of fact, hoes are mentioned in the video several times, yet I see sparse hoes. Oh well - he said caraingonoroo again so I’m HYPED!

1:51: Donald Lee Hollowell (formerly Bankhead Highway) and Etheridge? Nope. My car stalls out every time I try to go to the west side of Atlanta. Car audibly says “Bye bitch” and engine shuts off. (I may have lied about this and I may or may not just be stuck up.) [Panama Note: The writer of this post is from PG County, Maryland, which today, is just as bad as the west side of ATL. The only saving grace of PG County is the two Chik-Fil-A's. That is the ONLY saving grace. ATL.Adamsille. Zone 4. West Side.]

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2:00: He’s truly captured the essence of the west side here. Because if it weren’t for used tire shops, strip clubs and African oileries (which reminds me, I’m low on Lover’s Grass…) there’d really be nothing off Cascade but old mattresses and possums. You know I’m right. [Panama Note: The shade is getting ridiculous. We brought you TI, every famous strip club in America outside of KOD and Cheetah and the Bankhead Bounce. You're welcome.]

2:22: That mint and white against that background is the business! Buuuutt I feel like cats really ride Cadillacs and sedans around Atlanta. Who cares, he’s about to say it again - CARAINGONOROO!

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2:51: Ok wait a second. AARP Bruh is back. And he’s hot-footin’ it like Bernie Mac in Life.

3:26: Oh shit is this one of those crump/klown battles? Did he just James Brown it? I definitely saw a foot shuffle with a hip shimmy. Annnnnnd he hits the football squat. Whose daddy didn’t take their pill today? Look at Satan.

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3:26: Wait a second. Did Dro really just hire a helicopter to do a few city flyovers, catch a broad wrapping up her shift at the Blue Flame, throw in some assorted crunk negreaux and call it a video??? I LOVE IT.

I’m gonna give this video an A for stellar niggatry. But i do have to ask: Is Dro really “young” at this point? I mean, he’s 36 at least. I’m 35 and I wouldn’t call myself young, per se - not when I keep forgetting how the hell old I am. Maybe he means like youthish or full of youthful spirit. You heard of truthy? Maybe he’s “youthy”…

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If Dro can be damn near 40 and still “young” then I guess we’re all young. And in the end, only one thing matters: The car ain’t got no roof. Think about that.