A Prayer For Parents Who Let Their Kids Wear Shorts To School When It’s Cold Outside


Congregation of St. Panama Jackson the United Methodist Baptist Pentecostal AME Church of God in Christ Episcopal Primitive Missionary Baptist Down By The Riverside Holiness Church, please bow your heads:

Dear 8 pound, 6 ounce newborn infant Jesus, don’t even know a word yet, just a little infant and so cuddly, but still omnipotent, I come to you in consternation today, Lord. Precious Lord, take my hand. For I may not get there with you, but mine eyes have seen both the glory and several other things that make me wonder, dear Father, who, what, when, where, or why, oh why, do some parents allow their children to come outside the house, oh Lord, in shorts, when it’s a solid 42 degrees outside in the morning.


I need answers, Father. Sway doesn’t have them, so Father, I, Father I stretch my hands to you in inquiry because, like Joe, I wanna know, Lord. In case you weren’t aware, your holiness, I live in Washington, DC, the city, Father, not the area that some of your fallen angels and misguided souls refer to as the DMV. I’m not sure why anybody would want to refer to a metropolitan area with the same initials as the location of so much dysfunction and displeasure, but it is not my job to understand the misdeeds of your aints, Father, for I live in the truth, the light, and the way. LL Cool J said that it’s something like a phenomenon, and while that has nothing to do with anything, Jesus, it was on my heart to share and my testimony matters, Father. All testimony matters according to your word.

And speaking of words, can you please send a few words down to the homes of the largely unhued inhabitants of the Earth you created who see fit to allow their children to test the limits of their immune systems against shingles, colds, the flu, and pneumonia. And while you’re sending down that word, Precious Lord, can you please explain to me why we need a “p” in front of pneumonia anyway? And while you’re looking into that one, can we have your angel Gabriel do a little research into the silent “k” as well? It’s always bothered me, Lord.

But seriously, Lord, we have these little cold children standing at bus stops, exhibiting precursors to horrible decision making in the future enabled by parents who either don’t know, don’t show, or just don’t care that their children are risking the health of entire communities because there are parents who need a healing, Father. I look at these kids and I want to yell at them and tell them to go and put some clothes on because its 47 degrees outside and ain’t nobody got time for their that or their germs to be permeating through your holy kingdom of Heaven here on Earth.

Lord, some of these folks need a little more Jesus in their homes, granting them the serenity to accept the things that they cannot change, but gifting them with the light to have their children change into some pants, socks, and closed toe shoes when the temperature dips below 60 degrees, Father. Okay, maybe 55 for your European creations as I realize that while Blood is thicker than water, and Like Water For Chocolate is a book, perhaps they may be able to maintain warmth in lower temperatures. I’ve watched Alaskan Bush People on Discovery and have been dumbfounded at the small amount of clothing those folks wear - in Alaska - when it’s really cold outside on something called a “homestead.” I prefer my homeowner’s association fee, heavenly Lord, and I promise to try to pay that thing on time from here on out…

…starting next month.

But Lord, I just need you to come bless the saints and aints and give the spirit of warmth to those poor children that I see outside in the dead of winter, in like February, Father God, who still have on sandals, shivering in their Under Armour sweatshirts, while I send my child to school wrapped up in the finest wool garments made of your earthly blessings because I believe the children are the future but it won’t be no children, Father God, if they’re all dead because they have pneumonia because they’re freezing on the way to school in the morning wearing brand new Steph Curry’s but no socks and a hoodie in 30 degree temperatures. Jesus be a BLANKET on these streets near the fences around the neighborhoods.


Lord, I humbly ask that you save these people from themselves and send all of the Champion hoodies and sweatpants that your heart desires, and the warmest of wool socks, of which Hanes makes a wonderful product, Lord. Please supplicate those households with knowing and attention as they watch their children walk out of the door and imbue with the wisdom to say, “hey, put on some pants”. Also, Lord, thank you for the confidence to use supplicate wrong in the prior sentence. You are a knowing and honest savior, and you be knowing that I know that you know what I’m trying to say so you just let me milli rock on any block, Father.

These blessings for heat and health and parents who pay attention to their kids when its cold outside, I ask for in your holy name, Father, as I know the footprints in the sand aren’t mine, but yours. Because me and you, your mama and your cousin too, know the ledge, and as the good book sayeth in John, chapter 15, verse 2, you will cut off every branch that doesn’t bear fruit. Send some warm fruit please, Father God.



Panama Jackson is the Senior Editor of Very Smart Brothas. He's pretty fly for a light guy. You can find him at your mama's mama's house drinking all her brown liquors.



Panamá, can you send up an adjacent prayer for all the VerySmart children of Gourdt who struggle to keep their body temperatures above cadaver-level in office spaces across the land that have been transformed into drywalled igloos at the hands of a YT majority controlling the thermostat?