A Second-By-Second Breakdown Of President Obama Reminding Us He Can Take Your Girlfriend

Scott Olson/Getty Images

00:11: The aptly named Mike Jones jokes "Mr. President, don't touch my girlfriend" —- a move that raises two questions:

1. Is there a more appropriate name for a Black man somewhat insecure (jokingly or not) about his romantic status than "Mike Jones"?


2. How awkward would this entire exchange have been if Jones's girlfriend was White?

00:24: President Obama says "There's an example of a brother just embarrassing me. Just for no reason whatsoever" which you can totally imagine him saying about Ben Carson.

00:31: Aia Cooper (Jones' girlfriend/fiancee) begins laughing like she has likely never laughed before in her own entire life. This type of laughter only occurs for two reasons


1. You watching a particularly funny comic or listening to a particularly funny story.

(Since President Obama is not a comic, and since what he was saying likely wasn't the funniest thing she'd ever heard, we're left with the second reason…)


2. You're in the presence of someone with a shitload of status. And, when someone with a shitload of status happens to be charming and says something that's even remotely funny, it ends up being the funniest. thing. ever!

This relates to the idea that our laughter has less to do with what's actually funny and more to do with how much you like the person making the funny and how much you want them to like you.


Basically, Mike Jones might have proposed to her underneath a life-sized Eiffel Tower replica he personally built for her on the moon, but that'll never be as memorable as the 60 seconds she spent with the President.

00:34: As Cooper continues to guffaw, President Obama continues to mimic what she's going to eventually tell her friends about this experience. The faint dripping sound you hear in the background is Mike Jones sweating.


00:51: President Obama — clearly aware of what he's doing — kisses Cooper, holds it long enough for Cooper to melt (but not long enough for Michelle to feel a certain way), walks away, and looks at Jones with a half-smile that basically says "Don't hate the player. Hate the game."

The faint click you hear in the background is Mike Jones changing his party affiliation to "Republican."

Share This Story

About the author

Damon Young

Damon Young is the editor-in-chief of VSB and a columnist for GQ.com. His debut memoir in essays, What Doesn't Kill You Makes You Blacker (Ecco/HarperCollins), is available for preorder.