Ask Agatha: How Can Women Tell If A Man's "Packing"?


Adjoa from Brooklyn, NY asks:

We’ve been sleeping together for a while but he starts shucking and jiving anytime I try to put a label on what we are—he introduces me by my name only.  I know he’s been hurt before so it’s understandable that he’s afraid of commitment but what do I have to do to get him to trust in me, in us?


I have a lot of guy friends. And they’ve all been “hurt before.” That’s their pillow talk when you ask them to open up. They’ve told me it’s a necessary script to assuage your need to feel closer. No woman wants to try to plumb the depths of their man’s soul and realize it’s a puddle when they were expecting a pool—except they’re all puddles, no matter how “troubled” the waters. So yeah, the only reason he won’t commit is because you’re not the one. It’s that’s simple. It’s ALWAYS that simple.

And I know you’re not going to let that sink in. I know you’ve decided you’re different and he’s different and it’s really that he’s just gun shy. As if getting hurt ever stops a man from running right back into the ring. And to that I say okay. I understand that there are certain things no one wants to hear—certain truths that the opposite sex can’t be let in on. Women don’t want to hear that he’s not doing what he’s supposed to be doing because they aren’t the one and never will be. And men don’t want to hear that their girl has never had a penetrative orgasm. Some truths are better disguised as having been “hurt before.”

Kevon from San Diego, CA asks:

If a woman is sitting down, and you're trying to determine if she has a fat ass or not, a great way to figure that out is to check out her calves. Not thighs. Calves. Yes, there are tons of women with nice calves and flat booties. But, you'll be hard pressed to find a woman with a nice, voluminous booty, and starving calves. Thinking about this made me wonder if there's an equivalent for dudes and wangs. Like, if a guy has a big nose or sharp elbows or is named "Charles" or something, does that usually mean he's packing?

There’s no way to tell an average penis from an above average penis other than to get up close and personal with a ruler. There’s no truth to the big hands, deep voice, big feet myths when it comes to a difference of an inch or two. BUT if you want to be able to pick out your monsters, your Mandingos from fifty paces, well, it’s all in the walk. And no, I’m not talking about one’s swagger i.e. confidence. I’m literally talking about how a man walks.

A man with a big cock has to walk around it, almost as if he was bowlegged even though he isn’t. He walks like he just spent the afternoon on a horse. And when he stands, he has to stand akimbo. And our Mandingos could never comfortably cross his legs at the knee. Or wear speedos, or skinny jeans. I mean where would he put it? Anyway, good luck with your search Kevon.


Demetrius from Chicago, IL asks:

What is an acceptable word to emoji ratio for a grown man?

Look around you Demetrius. It’s 2015. The official bird language is emoji. And you and I both know that’s all you date, that’s why word to emoji ratios are one of your simple ass concerns.  


Chris from Philadephia, PA asks:

What’s the perfect everyday shoe for a grown man?

First off, let me just say that I’m glad ankle season is over. I live in some sort of hipster pit where Black men think it’s perfectly acceptable to not wear socks with hard soled shoes. THIS IS NOT ACCEPTABLE. Neither is rolling up the bottoms of your pants. Why get a 34 long if you’re 5’8”?



The perfect everyday shoe for a grown man is a good boot. This is not up for debate. I don’t care what’s the weather or the season. A boot gives you a discrete boost in height, it helps your posture and it adds to a man’s sex appeal. No other shoe does this for a man. Not a sneaker or a loafer or a wingtip. And certainly not a sandal.


So a boot collection is what you should be building Chris. There are dress boots, casual boots, moto boots, military boots, work boots, rain boots, winter boots. Step yuh boot game up my dude.

Agatha is a figment of the collective VSB imagination. Don't @ me.



I've learned to never believe my "coochie catnip" (thanks, VSB for the new vocabulary) is magic and will never change a man's mind. Men are simple and from my experience blatantly honest too…so it's best to believe what he displays the first time around.