Jonah from Queens, NY asks:

My girl is the jealous type, so I haven’t been too keen to introduce her to my best friend, who is also a girl. But even though I kept them apart, it was still an issue. Then my girl read some text exchanges where she felt we were a little too affectionate and wanted me to end a 15-year friendship to put her at ease. But how do I make her understand that our “bae’s” are sarcastic and our “love you’s” are platonic? So I decided to introduce them to clear the air and it just made things worse. My girl said she felt left out of the convos and my best friend felt my girl was being a bitch and neither party made any attempts to be cordial that night. I love my girl but I also love my best friend and I want everyone to relax.


Managing a jealous mate is like trying to contain a forest fire. Everything feeds it. But it’s rare to see someone try to out a fire with gasoline, only to throw their hands up in the air, befuddled, while all of Fresno burns.

Jonah you fucked up. And so did your friend.

I mean at this point, even I don’t believe everything is entirely platonic.

(I mean nucca…sarcastic “bae’s”?)

Jonah, there’s an art to befriending the girlfriend of your male friends. And your best friend made no attempt at easing her fears by doing so. Instead, your best friend turned the night into some kind of power play, showing off how much better she knows you with all the inside jokes.


Your girlfriend was very likely being a bitch and irrational but the way to deescalate that situation isn’t for your best friend to make it plain that she feels like your girl is a bitch. Someone had to be the bigger person that night and since your best friend ostensibly isn’t the one fucking you, it should’ve been her.

This might be the world’s worst best friend. I’m sure she knew you were trying to iron things out between you and your girl. So why didn’t she take the L? Your bestie should’ve been all smiles and compliments that night. Instead she lit a match.

But it’s not all on her, because you might be the world’s most clueless boyfriend.

Your girl should’ve met your bestie early on and often. Keeping them apart only feeds her and my suspicions. And your bestie should’ve made an effort to befriend your girl outside of your own friendship. That’s girl bestie 101 along with; no inside jokes, no lingering touches, no late night calls, no invites without extending one to your girl as well and certainly no acting proprietary towards you in front of your girl.


In a jealous court of law you’re guilty until proven innocent and based on the evidence stacked against you I’d say cop a plea and limit your contact with your bestie for the duration of this relationship.

Don’t worry, that won’t be long.

Agatha is a figment of the collective VSB imagination. Don't @ me.

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