My expectations weren't exactly high when waiting to listen to Lil Kim's addition to "Flawless." But, because I respect my elders — and because her Hardcore poster remains one of the most seminal moments of my life — I listened to it. And it made me sad.
Ok. I'm lying. Kim's very public deterioration over the past decade has made me sad. This verse didn't make me sad. But there is a sadness in watching over-the-hill stars unsuccessfully grasp at current relevance. It's an unnerving reminder of our mortality; a car wreck we gawk at out of pity. It's Shaquille O'Neal missing dunks in a Celtics uniform.
Still, as anti-climatic as Lil Kim's verse was, it doesn't compare to the cacophony of shitasticness of Yes LIV Can's "Sorry Mrs Carter" — quite possibly the most bizarre dis-song ever.
First, let's get this out the way: Yes LIV Can is the worse rapper name ever. Yes, even worse than Lil Herb and Blaze Ya Dead Homie. It's so bad that it's almost sublime, like a dog so ugly that it's actually cute.
Anyway, Yes LIV Can's diss is solely comprised of her lazily rapping and singing about something that didn't happen. It almost happened, according to her. But it didn't. She didn't sleep with Jay Z. And she is not Jay Z's mistress. Because she didn't sleep with Jay Z. Which is what the song is about. Not sleeping with Jay Z. Which is something, along with being bad at rapping, me and Yes LIV Can have in common. Not sleeping with Jay Z.
Which means, instead of creating an "Ether", she pulled a diss out of the ether.