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(Sidenote: I will neither confirm nor deny that these pie-related questions were asked in my house in a 24-hour span.)

1. “Did you get that racist-ass pie again, or the good pie?”

2. “You know that you’re the buyer of racist pies in this household, not me, right?”


3. “Remember the first time we had pie together?”

4. “Oh yeah, at that one spot next to the spot with the hookup, right?”

5. “Did you get ice cream, too?”

6. “We still pretending that we ain’t lactose intolerant?”

7. “Does this pie taste different to you, or are my teeth just sensitive today?”


8. “Have you been using the good toothpaste?”

9. “We have good toothpaste?”

10. “Tell me you’re not seriously asking that, are you?”

11. “When did we become the type of bougie niggas with distinct toothpastes?”

12. “Did you put the pie away before you came upstairs?”

13. “I was supposed to?”

14. “Nigga, you ate all the pie?”

15. “You don’t see the two slices left?”

16. “Did you put them next to the butter?”

17. “The gluten-free butter or the regular butter?”

18. “There’s such a thing as gluten-free butter?”

19. ”Did you find the pie yet?”

20. “I did ... do you want some?”