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In conjunction with TVOne in support of the show, Born Again Virgin, we’re taking a look at the idea of cuffing while celibate during this “Cuffing Season”. Find out more about Born Again Virgin here! New episodes of Born Again Virgin premiere December 8 on TVOne!

When it’s all said and done, I believe that text messaging will go down as one of the greatest technological advancements of, well, ever. It single-handedly changed the way we communicate with one another. I’ve gotten to the point where I feel like speaking to people – on the phone – is a huge inconvenience. There is almost nothing that can’t be said over text, with emergencies being the obvious exception. And even then, it needs to be a real emergency, with blood and 10-on-the-chart pain.

But like all great inventions, there is a downside. Texting makes it much easier to speak freely without the fear of a facial reaction that ruins your day. And it ALSO makes it SO much easier to just ask somebody, “wut u doin”, which coming from the wrong person is NEVER a good thing. It’s a rabbit hole. It’s a black hole of bad decisions and Moscato-flavored weave. What? Exactly.

Replace “wut u doin” with “hey” and it’s the exact same problem.

Quick pivot: typically, women all complain that men are the ones who do the random six-month check-in out of nowhere. Nearly every woman has some story about their ex or some dude who dipped out unceremoniously, then a few months later deciding to hit her up. “For why?” echo women far and wide, with equal parts disgust and morbid curiosity. Curiosity killed the cat is a pun of amazing proportion. But the thing is, women are JUST as guilty of sending out those “hey” texts as dudes are. Every dude you know has received them. Trust me.


Moving on. What does any of this have to do with the price of pantyhose in China? I’m glad you asked.

So, let’s assume that you’ve been getting your cuff on with this one particular boo for what feels like a few months now. In fact, you’ve settled into a nice little routine. Nobody’s asking for more than the other can give. Sure, you’re still doing your little cuffing while celibate thing, and of course he’s testing you like your middle name is Scantron, and you are OF COURSE, having internal conversations about what celibacy means anyway. I mean, if you let him do that, is it actually breaking the celibacy thing? No penetration, no situation? What does that even mean? Nobody knows.

Yeah, you’re losing your mind. But as is the case with any situation – sex or not – once you find a happy medium, the exes start showing up. They have to. An email gets sent to all exes as soon as you settle into even a non-titled situation that makes you happy. And it’s never the ex you forgot existed. It’s the one you can’t forget exists.


To read the rest, head over to TVOne to read more about how to block the ex just as well as you're blocking the box!