Erykah Badu (David Becker/Getty Images)

(An email we received last week)

After reading your post about Olivia "Puddles" Pope and her sex chat with Babyface Fitz, I started thinking about good pussy. Fitz and Jake (and possibly Harrison for all we know, R.I.P.) are clearly addicted to Olivia. Now, I'm sure they're attracted to who Olivia is as a person, but they're also willing to throw away their lives just to be with her. This leads me to believe that she puts in work in the bedroom.

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I realize that Scandal is a fictional tv show, so let's move into reality (both television & real life, if you will). Pretty much all of Mona Scott Young's productions are centered around women who choose to be with terrible men. You even wrote about a few of them on your "#DICKTOOBOMB" post. Many songs, books, and careers (Mary, Keyshia, K., Being Mary Jane, Scandal, etc.) have been dedicated to dealing with men who were only good for a nut. My question is: what about the women? Erykah Badu, Rihanna, and Angelina Jolie are the only women that come to mind who possibly possess life-altering pussy. So where are the songs/tv shows/books about them or the women who are like them? Where are the stories of the hurt men who have been pussy whipped & bamboozled by these types of women?

I understand that there are a lot of politics that would prevent men from speaking on how good a woman is, but I'm just curious. I think a part of me likes to see women in the power position of a relationship. I just wonder why there isn't more of an audience for that. I also have a couple more 'good pussy' questions below:

How do you know if you have good pussy? Like how can you tell that you were good without asking (is he more possessive, does he start hitting the gym more)?

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I've seen that a lot of men don't marry their best sex partner which is sort of a good thing, I guess. Does having goodpussy even matter to a man, or is it just how willing she is to have sex?

Has good pussy ever caused you to make bad decisions (I.e. getting her pregnant, loaning large sums of money, etc.)?

Does good pussy have the same effect on men that good dick has on women?

Again, love the blog. Keep up the great work!

Thoughts?

—-Damon Young

I have a couple of things to say on this but, for obvious reasons, I'll refrain. (For now)

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—-Tunde Akinyeke

Damon,

You sent this email out on the Lord's day?

Also, I think this convo should be started off by the menfolk while classy ladies such as I toss in commentary from the peanut gallery. I wouldn't even know how to jump off on this without reeking of…erm…vaginal hubris.

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—-Shamira Ibrahim

This exists, and the person who wrote this email has expressed the thoughts I've had since season one when she was just dealing with Fitz. Even if you were puzzled by Fitz's blind thirst for Liv in the early seasons, Jake made it perfectly clear once he entered the show: Olivia Pope has that bomb - terrorist. You think Fitz built this woman a house and wants to make jam because she's a great conversationalist or she's even the prettiest woman he's ever known? Stay woke, people.

What this reader gets wrong is a lot of men don't marry their best sex partner. I don't even know what kind of math she used to come to that logical conclusion, but even if this was the majority, I guess I'll be chilling over here on the sidelines as an outlier. One of the reasons why I am planning on marrying the woman I'm with now is because, well, DUH.

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But women don't need to worry about coming in first place with regards to good pussy. All they need to do is get to the elite tier. I basically came up with this concept a long time ago, and this is the first time I've explained it but here it goes.

When it comes to my sex partners, I don't have a first place, second, place, third place. I have tiers, groupings, sort of like a pyramid. At the very bottom there's the partners with whom it was the worst, then there's a middle section, and upper middle section, and then the top tier. This system allows for more flexibility and more fairness not only to yourself but to your partners, because everyone's grouping is based on something unique to them. The other benefit to the groupings, is it helps you properly compare people within the group when it comes to actually wanting more than sex. A past partner could be in the top tier, but over at my personality pyramid they're down in the projects. What you want is to have someone who is in the upper-middle/tippy-top of multiple pyramids. Personality, looks, sex, whatever we value the most.

In any case, kudos to the reader for staying woke. Honestly, Olivia's bomb is the elephant in the room and has been since at least season two and it's so obvious to the point where sometimes I watch and I'm uncomfortable.

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—-Jozen Cummings

Jozen is correct about the tiers. Although I do have classifications within the tiers.

Men don't always marry their best sex partner. Hell men don't always commit to their best sex partner. It's hit or miss in my opinion. A lot of different factors besides how good a woman's pussy is plays into the equation.

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Good pussy and an insufferable personality gets only late night phone calls/texts. When you get that perfect storm of good sex, great personality, good conversation, etc it's nothing to be messed with.

I have done some things I am not proud of in the name of good pussy and I'll leave it there.

—-Tunde

Shamira, I started typing like three different responses before I came to the same decision. So many points for "vaginal hubris" LMAO.

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—-Shanae Brown

To Tunde's point, I guess I don't understand why you wouldn't marry your best sex partner. I don't even understand how a woman becomes the marrying type if they're not on the top of their charts. This goes for women too. How you all marry runner-ups in the bedroom is beyond me.

As much as we all may detest him, R. Kelly nailed this sentiment.

—-Jozen

I'm going to be a bit of a pussy pragmatist here. When I think about the best partners I've had, the one constant has been how much they enjoyed having sex. It wasn't so much about the pussy itself as much as how orgasmic, excited, etc the person attached to the pussy was. I've said this before (and I know other people have made this analogy) but pussy is like pizza. Most of it is good — seriously, it's good so often that the couple unquestionably bad times you had are more memorable than the good — and the difference between "good" and "great" isn't really vast enough to break your neck pursuing the great.

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I've (obviously) never had sex with Erykah Badu, but I'd assume her effect on men is less about what's between her legs and more about her being a big booty freak who's famous and likes to fuck a lot.

—-Damon

And "vaginal hubris" sounds like the medical term for a particularly bad yeast infection.

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—-Damon

The pizza thing is weird. Yes, Damon, most pizza is good, and it's also unremarkable . I guess yes, I'll take Papa John's. But I really don't want Papa John's. As a matter of fact, I'll never order Papa John's voluntarily. If that's what kind of pizza I end up getting, it's because that was served to me. But I ain't ever been craving some pizza and thought Papa John's would do it for me.

—-Jozen

I've definitely done some extremely dumb things, not only for good pussy, but pussy period. I've parked my car a mile away, jogged to and climbed into a house window in the middle of the night so my girls parents wouldnt see me. (This was high school). I've definitely driven long distances for it. But all that was in the name of pussy, without any degree of great to goodness. I presume all pussy is good by default. Because I like it, so it is good.

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When it comes to that good good? Look, I've long determined that the craziest women I've ever dealt with all came with the best. It's a pretty commonly held belief (maybe not perfectly for all individuals) that's held pretty true in my life. It is for that reason that I doubt I would end up married to my best sex partner. The woman that I'd easily say was the best that holds the PJ #pussytoobomb distinction is somebody I doubt I'll ever speak to again and that's a good thing. We were oil and vinegar. So while good pussy might get me, it aint keeping me. It might be good enough to throw into the air and turn into sunshine, but i aint changing my religion. Pussy comes and goes. A woman's excitement and willingness is usually what draws most guys in (I'd guess).

Like Tunde said, good pussy with the personality of a firebreathing dragon with its toe caught in a mouse trap ain't worth it and is easy to walk away from.

I've done it before. I'm sure I can do it again. As long as I enjoy it, I'm good. It doesn't have to be the world's greatest. But if the world's greatest comes with the world's greatest personality and a woman I'm into, then I have just won the game.

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—-Panama Jackson

I have no idea why, but the repeated uses of Papa John's made me bust out laughing.

—-Panama

That's the thing, Jozen. You're not going to pass up Papa John's. You're not going to walk into a meeting at work, see some Papa John's sitting there, and think "Shit. This Papa John's isn't even worth my time. Giovanni's pizza is the only pizza that will satisfy me." You're going to eat it with a smile and be happy that someone thought to buy some pizza for the meeting.

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When you separate the person from the pussy, most pussy is like that. I'd say 90% of pussy is in that "passable to good" range, while 5% is "great" and 5% is so bad you'll never forget it. But the difference between good and great is like the difference between getting a 90 on a test and a 94.

—-Damon

Eating something because it's free and not because it tastes good is not flattering to anyone. Especially at my age, I care a lot more about what I put in my body, therefore, if I only have a limited amount of fuck-calories to divulge in, I'm not giving them to Papa John's. Maybe when I was in college? But now. I can pass.

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Honestly, I just think the whole idea of it all being good or most of it being good gives women a reason to believe that men don't care as long as they get some and I just can't let that shit go unchecked anymore. To be completely fair, I've taken this approach with most other things that call for my body to partake in. I pay more for groceries and for coffee because I put these things in my body every single day and it deserves to have standards. Folgers is not "just coffee" it is brown liquid trash.

Pizza isn't sacred anymore and that's because a long time ago, we as a society decided that any pizza will due. That's how we got Papa John's and Little Caesars, two companies who, if they stopped making pizza, I wouldn't be upset about it one bit. I don't want to see the same thing happen to sex. The standards for sex should be sky high considering how sacred we make it.

—-Jozen

Preach brother preach. Most women don't want to hear this though. Their pussy is God's gift. *shrug*

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—-Tunde

Question for the people who can answer this question:

You have a choice between…

A) A woman with the wettest, juiciest, kegelest pussy that has ever pussied but isn't very enthusiastic in the sack. She likes sex, but it's not like something she needs to do.

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B) A woman whose pussy has an average amount of wetness and kegel capabilities, but acts like sex with you is the best thing anyone has ever done anywhere, ever. She has a dozen orgasms, says your name in languages that don't exist yet, and even literally had the neighbors call the cops once.

Who do you choose?

For me, the choice is obvious. B. And, I would assume that most men would choose B as well. Obviously, these are extreme examples, but I guess the point I'm making is that while "great" pussy exists, the pussy itself in a vacuum doesn't matter as much as the experience with the person connected to it. Basically, "having great pussy" and "being great in bed" are two separate things. Sometimes they overlap, sometimes they don't. And when they don't, I'm choosing "great in bed" every time.

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—-Damon

Most women with that good good know they have that good good. It's a conversation that gets had. Usually starts like this "lemme tell you what this nigga did/said…"

On a larger level, though, everyone's good good criteria ain't gon be the same because some of the factors that go into determining it can be altered depending on the chemistry between the people involved. That goes for good pussy *and* good dick—a lot of it is relative.

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Basically, I think amongst people who have sex with women (cause it's not just men), most heads could agree on what makes pussy "bad", but there'd be a wealth of answers on what makes it good—hence this thread.

—-Huny Young

I doubt any dude would take Option A over B. Enthusiasm is essential.

—-Tunde

The original question posed seems to equate good pussy to great in bed. Seems overly scientific to separate the two, but I feel you.

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—-Huny

I'm taking A because I would hope in this scenario, her overall attitude towards sex isn't set in stone and when I give her this #DickTooBomb, I get the genetic attributes of the A with the attitude of a B.

You have to be careful of the B girl if only because that could have absolutely nothing to do with you, and she's enjoyed sex like that before you. Like her lifestyle is such that multiples are the norm.

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And to Huny's point, I am specifically talking about good pussy not great in bed. I've encountered girls who can move with the best of them, but don't have that all-natural.

—-Jozen

If this is gonna turn into a conversation about "most women" overrating themselves or the value of their vagina I'm out, though. That shit is boring. But that being said, I think women should consider themselves of high value. All *people* should consider themselves to be or at least strive to be top tier in all arenas of life. I can see how it benefits wack dudes if women don't but lemme hush.

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—-Huny

You could also make the argument that — if the level of wetness is the key determinating factor in making a pussy "great" — great pussy basically just depends on how excited the woman is to sleep with you (and whether she's ovulating). A woman who was on straight desert status for one person could have been an amazon rainforest for someone else.

I'm not making this argument. But the argument can be made.

—-Damon

Yeah, I don't want to come across as that guy who's saying women inflate their self-worth because they're not as good as they think in bed. I'd like to state for the record, we are strictly talking about good pussy.

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And Damon, that's a good argument to be made and one I tell myself in the end. I don't hold a woman solely responsible for her lack of wetness. I'm sure I had something to do with that.

—-Jozen

Jozen, that statement was purely a response to Tunde's comment about most women thinking their shit is God's gift. That's that shit I don't like.

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But yeah…there is no universal good pussy or good dick/great in bed. Can't be.

—-Huny

What you said earlier, Huny about women talking about it, I would say that means you're hip to game. If you're an adult woman who doesn't have a story about a dude turning into a straight baby when he's done or he isn't tripping, etc, that's a telling statement. It's just like when my boys and I exchange stories in our past, if I can't contribute to the highlight reel because I have no highlights, I might not be on point.

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—-Jozen

Is "great" pussy by itself really turning men into babies, though? Or "decent to good" pussy with great technique and/or a super high libido and/or a super fat ass attached to it?

—-Damon

Perhaps I shouldn't have said "most" women. I don't know most women.

—-Tunde

If there IS a universal good pussy—like a Jedi master pussy—I don't think I want it. That seems like a lot of pressure. I'm fine being Ahsoka Tano out here in the world, and just striving for Luke Skywalker status with the one I'm with.

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—-Huny

Also I really said "out here in the world" like my pussy is out here in the world. My god. I shouldn't have entered (pause) this conversation.

—-Huny

"Decent to good" pussy with great technique and/or a super high libido and/or a fat ass attached to it = GREAT PUSSY, though, generally speaking.

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Never have I typed pussy this many times in the span of an hour.

—-Huny

Christ, where is Maya? I feel like I'm putting myself on super front street being the only woman going in (pause) on this.

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—-Huny

Why can't "great" pussy come with great technique, a super high libido, and a fat ass attached to it? You make it sound like that's a unicorn.

—-Jozen

Yeah, this is easily the most I've ever typed pussy. I keep wanting to type vageen.

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—-Damon

It can. Great pussy can come with all of that. It's just not as necessary as the other stuff when distinguishing "decent in bed" from "great in bed."

—-Damon

"Hey, if you saw a unicorn, I believe you. Just saying, there's some beautiful horses out there without the horn." - Damon and Tunde

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—-Jozen

I'm only speaking hypothetically. I could tell some stories but….

—-Tunde

I kinda feel like opening this up (pause) to the differences in criteria that may exist between women who have sex with women and men who have sex with women but once again—my family gon read this.

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—-Huny

Yeah, Tunde, the conversation in this thread is inherently limited because, well, other people will read this, and some of us have family and/or significant others also on the thread. Plus, Thanksgiving is coming.

—-Damon

Yeah out of respect for #bae, who I'm sure will read this once he sees the word "pussy" … I'm speaking only in hypotheticals. But my initial reaction to this question was if you have to ask, you probably don't have one, or have never had one rain upon your life. Lol

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I also don't think it's such an anomaly. I've never been with a woman, but from conversations and stories I've heard, either most of my friends are porn star unicorns or … well lying. Which I don't believe they are.

—-Shanae

This is the most fascinatingly bizarre conversation ever.

—-Danielle Belton