Of course, there will be people who will read the title of this piece and immediately be compelled to ask three questions that are only tangentially related to Drake, the subject of said piece:
- Wait, there’s such a thing as a “lightskinneded thing”?
- What does “lightskinneded” even mean in this context?
- Isn’t that offensive?
(There will also be black people bothered that lightskinneded is given any distinguishing qualities—and they’ll say something like, “WHY ARE YOU TRYING TO START DIVISION IN OUR COMMUNITY, DAMON YOUNG?”—and I would advise those people to take a spa day or something. If they’re in the greater Pittsburgh area, I can even recommend a couple of places.)
The answers to those questions are as follows:
- It means what it means.
- Eh. Maybe.
If you’re still unsure about what a “lightskinneded thing” is or what it means to act “lightskinneded,” here’s a short list of notable and iconic feats of lightskinnededness to add some context:
A) That time when G-Money in New Jack City thought it was a good idea to challenge Nino during the iconic 2 a.m. all-hands-on-deck staff meeting—despite the fact that Nino was clearly out for blood and ordered everyone to dress in all black and was walking around with a sword and was flanked by, like 17 Rottweilers. Of course, Nino responded with, “Sit your five-dollar ass down before I make change,” but only a thoroughly lightskinneded man would be bold enough (and clueless enough) to think his opinion mattered then.
B) All Knowles family-related forays into retail fashion, most notably the House of Dereon and Ivy Park.
C) Odell Beckham Jr. fighting a kicking net (and losing). (And yes, Odell would appear to be a bit too brown to be lightskinneded, but his hair, his curl pattern, his hotheadedness and his antagonism toward workout equipment makes him DeBarge-adjacent.)
D) Jesus turning water into wine while rocking chancletas and a linen bodysuit.
Anyway, on Tuesday, Deadspin reported that Drake, the world’s most prominent scion of Activator, the God of lightskinnededness, might possibly have tattoos of both Kevin Durant’s and Steph Curry’s numbers on his left arm:
ESPN editor Jovan Buha noticed something intriguing today: Drake has the numbers 30 and 35, the numbers that Steph Curry and Kevin Durant wear, tattooed on his left arm. The initial photo, taken of Drake playing basketball in a LeBron James high school jersey of all things, was not entirely clear, though the numbers are definitely there.
If this is true—and there’s no indication that it’s not—would this be the most lightskinneded thing anyone has ever done? I’m not quite sure. There have been too many notable and historical acts of lightskinnededness to even begin to accurately assess them.
I do know, however, that it’s the ultimate testament to Drake’s pervasive lightskinnededness that the general sentiment when first hearing this news wasn’t disbelief but just, “Yeah, that totally sounds like something Drake would do.”