Earlier today, Marvel Studios announced that Chadwick Boseman — who seems poised to play every Black man who's ever existed — will be cast as Black Panther, a movie that's set to be released in 2017. While that's great news for Boseman, here are a few more Black superheroes we'd like to see on screen.
1. Super Uncle
Superpowers: Leaps tall buildings while rocking house slippers and tube socks. Can smoke an entire pack of Newports in 0.6 seconds. Enhanced eyesight can actually see asses from the front.
Weaknesses: Diabetes. And credit reports.
2. Wonder Black Urban Professional Woman
Superpowers: Can cast a month of shade over an entire hemisphere with a simple sideeye of death. Can fly, and frequently does for absolutely no reason at all because she just likes to travel.
Weaknesses: Her uterus.
3. Captain Internet
Superpowers: Is able to bend time, which allows him to tweet for 32 hours a day instead of 24. Can also see into the future, giving him the power to craft rebuttals to arguments and discussions that haven't happened yet.
Weaknesses: Sunlight, showers, and the threat of pussy.
4. The League Of Not Really All That Interesting Gentlemen Who Are Only "Interesting" Because They Have Good Jobs
Superpowers: Each member of the league is equipped with good, but not really all that great superpowers they spend more time reminding people of (i.e."Ya'll know I can dunk on a 13 foot hoop, right?") than actually using.
Weaknesses: An unstable economy. High school yearbooks.
5. The Bad Black Mamba Bitch
Superpowers: Carries the feared and all-powerful Selfie Solar Molecular Neutralizer, a weapon that allows her to permanently delete the soul of anyone she takes a picture with. Super strength Yaki helps her strangle non-existent haters.
Weaknesses: Lukewarm Moscato. The truth.