Five Things Hackers Need To Do Instead Of Hacking Celebrity Nude Pictures


I'm sure you've heard by now of the hacker who managed to find and leak nude pictures of dozens of celebrities over the weekend, including Jennifer Lawrence and Kate Upton. I won't provide links to these images because 1) It's really fucked up and 2) I'm pretty sure it's illegal, but they do exist and there will likely be dozens of lawsuits in the next several months because of them.

This isn't the first time something like this has happened. The list of celebrities — and non-celebrities — who've had their phones/emails/computers hacked and private photos/videos stolen is too long to list. Often, these hackers have had to find a way to bypass secure servers, passwords, and other forms of high-level internet security, which begs an obvious question: Why don't they use their powers for good?

Sure, you have hackivist groups like Anonymous, but they mostly deal with highly publicized cases. What about the little people? The taxpayers? The voters? The people subjected to Big Sean's rap career? Who's looking out for us?


But let's say these hackers determined to find and leak celebrity photos actually did use their powers for good, what would they possibly do?

1. Hack into the Facebook/Instagram accounts of everyone who takes 17 selfies a day, and delete a third of the selfies

This wouldn't really provide a public good. I just want to see if any of these people would even notice they were missing.

2. Hack into the Pennsylvania Department of Transportation, and do…things

I have my reasons.

3. Add 100 points to everyone's credit score

And, if "everyone's" isn't logically possible, just take out "everyone's" and insert "my."


4. Change the clerical error America made when electing Bush president in 2000

Sure, you can't undo the things that were done during the Bush presidency. That would take a time machine. And a shitload of bleach. But, 10,000 years from now, when the only information left about America can be found in an archived Encyclopedia Britannica set, at least the aliens reading them won't know we were fucking dumb enough to elect a Lenzner Coach Line backup driver as leader of the free world.


5. Delete Yung Berg's entire catalog

Just think about a world with no Yung Berg features, no Yung Berg tracks, no Yung Berg on Twitter, no Yung Berg quotes about "dark butts" and no Yung Berg images on the internet. I know, I know, I know. This much goodness, this much ecstasy, is hard to fathom. But, we can dream, can't we?

Damon Young is the editor-in-chief of VSB, a contributing opinion writer for The New York Times, and the author of What Doesn't Kill You Makes You Blacker (Ecco/HarperCollins)

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Apparently this hacking episode is spurring some thoughtful conversation in my world.
I think what happened is messed up and unfortunate. It's also why I dont backup pics to the cloud. Being honest….I have not seen any of the photos but I would not turn away from a pic of a naked Meghan Good…and it has me thinking. To the VSS with time to consider it (and answer honestly, not just politically) I have a question: If I told you I hacked naked pics of Idris Elba, Mike Ealy, Tyson Beckford, The dude from prison, and Lance Gross….would you not look out of concern for their privacy?