Yesterday morning, I found myself searching for answers on the 6 train. I did everything I was supposed to do but, sometimes that falls short. Talk to God. Be objective. Consider all sides. Listen to the elders. But nothing makes sense anymore. Nothing. So how do you make the case for your own murder when nothing else works? A 30-minute ride to work brought me to this:

Scrub your Facebook, Instagram and Snapchat of all menacing photos. Add in photos with full smiles, posing with your kids and you on the job. No hand gestures, music references or anything that can be misconstrued or serve as bait. Add in some of those Jesus “copy + paste” statuses for good measure.


You’ll need these images for the press and for your family to fight the trolls who will try to vilify you as “just another” or even a “thug.” The images are good for the GoFundMe as well which will provide for your children in your absence and pay for your funeral and casket.

Travel with a fully charged cell and bring a boost charger. Your spouse or your parent or your sibling or your kid will need this to film your full murder. The story has to be compelling–proving faith, good diction, respect for authority and so on. She will have to become a Scorsese of sorts. She will have to be strong. Capturing gross injustice on-the-fly with artful flair. CNN will loop it all day. America will pause for an entire news cycle …and then move on.


Have gun. Get gun license. Document and seal.

The forensics might not *scratch that* will not be enough.

Gather stories. Good stories from good folk who can account for your character and gentle nature. These will not hold weight to the exposés about your ‘rap sheet’ or propensity toward crime. They will, however, make interesting bookends for the few journalists who will share your truth.

Your children must be part of the narrative. This will be tough, but it’s required. Make the child young, but with the double-consciousness of W.E.B. Dubois. The body of a 4 year-old with the soul of a church mother. News anchors will tear on-air, but will not give her a name. Nonetheless, this will help.

Put a lion or chimp in the backseat. Give it a strong name like Harambee for some irony. This will ensure ‘likes’ and global sympathies, extending your story. Maybe it can even take a bullet.


Keep an updated list of local prosecutors, judges, medical examiners and others who will go ‘ghost’ on your family, lose evidence or make the case that you are both the murdered and the murderer. Your mother and wife will need those names and contacts to build your case when the system just, ‘can’t.’

Package and disseminate.

Lisa Kay Davis gets paid to craft tweets and hashtags for the corporate world, sometimes writes and enjoys eating way too many overpriced, artisanal cupcakes. She combats social injustice with excessive snark and heavy side-eye.

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