How Would You Spend $900,000 a Month on Entertainment (If You Had It)?

Illustration for article titled How Would You Spend $900,000 a Month on Entertainment (If You Had It)?
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Over the weekend, TMZ waded into messy-boots territory—who am I kidding? They own beachfront property there—and provided alleged details of the temporary spousal support request from Nicole Young, soon-to-be ex-wife of hip-hop super-producer and mogul, Andre “Dr. Dre” Young. Before TMZ dropped the deets, all we knew was that she was requesting $2 million a month in temporary spousal support. As you can imagine, that set Al Gore’s internet on fire. Some folks (from my observation, mostly men) were astounded, almost to the point of being offended, by a spousal support request that didn’t affect their lives at all. And as usual, on the other side of the equation were folks loudly proclaiming support for Mrs. Young, encouraging her to get her paper! Since I have no dog in this fight, I tend to lean on the “get your paper” side of things.

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According to TMZ, who, hate or love them, is accurate more times than they’re not, provided this for details:

TMZ broke the story ... Nicole Young wants $1,936,399 to cover her expenses. Here’s the breakdown

— Laundry and cleaning $10,000 a month

— Clothes $135,000 a month

— Education (tuition and living expenses) $60,000 a month

— Entertainment $900,000 a month

— Charitable contributions $125,000 a month

— Mortgage. $100,000 a month

— Telephone, cell phone, e-mail $20,000 a month

(Those numbers don’t add up to $1.9M. I’m guessing TMZ put the most “noticeable” requests/figures out.)

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Now, I’m not here to argue that she doesn’t “deserve” or isn’t “entitled” to what she’s asking for. I have no idea what she was spending or what he was spending, etc. to maintain their life. I can’t even begin to imagine what a life looks like with that much money; if they woke up today with my money—as Chris Rock joked many moons ago—they’d probably drive off a cliff….together. And hell, they’ve been married for over two decades. Also, allegedly, Dr. Dre is basically a billionaire. I don’t know how this will end up, but as has been the case with most celebrity (and filthy rich) people divorces, both sides will still be...filthy rich.

I am not filthy rich. This is why I’ve spent time thinking about that $900K in entertainment figure. I am a cat who likes entertainment. I mean, shit, I have subscriptions to Spotify, Apple Music AND Tidal so you know I’m out here BMF. When Rick Ross sang that he thought he was Big Meech, I joined in that chorus even though I’m pretty decidedly NOT Big Meech. I started listing my listicle of things I’d get if I had $900K a month to spend on the entertainment arts. So in the interest of Monday, I’m going to spitball a list of entertainments and we’ll see where we might end up. Also, it’s still a pandemic so in my head I can’t throw any lavish parties and I’m not sure if lavish Zooms are a thing.

Netflix: $14.99

Hulu: $11.99 (no commercials gang gang)

Disney+ Premium: $29.99 (got to get that Mulan package)

Spotify: $14.99 (family plan)

Apple Music: $14.99 (family plan)

Tidal: $19.99 (got to hear the shit a little better than I can on Spotify, amirite?)

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Most expensive cable package: $400 (I mean I pay $220 now and I got ALL THE SHIT in multiple rooms)

Eating out every day: $6,000 ($200/day for 30 days; that’s some of that good DoorDash shit, not that White Star!)

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Most expensive hotel room every weekend: $100,000 (let’s say it’s $25,000 a night; I really have no idea—I’m a ZOMG! IT’S $300/NIGHT type of complainer)

Strip club shenanigans, twice a week: $80,000 (I figure you throw $10K/night twice a week; again I have no idea. Been a while, cokes prices have shot up.)

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OK, so far I’m up to like, approximately $186,000, and that’s with the most ridiculous strip club and hotel shit added in. I’m still short. Lehgo.

Buy out a water park: $10,000

Buy out the most expensive of restaurants for a family meal: $10,000

Weeklong stay at a fancy pants spa: $10,000

Aight, we’re over $200,000 now. Hmmm….

Barnes & Nobles shopping spree: $20,000 (might as well outfit a whole library with books I’ll never read, EVERY MONTH)

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Pay Stevie Wonder to come serenade my family once a week, for 20 minutes: $200,000 (I’m assuming it’s about $50K for a 2o minute show)

Now we’re cooking with gas: we’re almost to $450,000. Keep going.

I have kids so let’s buy out a whole set of new toys EVERY month:

New toys swag: $50,000

New laptops for the family: $12,000 (we’re getting MacBook Pros with the good storage)

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Oh, and most importantly, we have to get from place to place that we can’t drive to, so you know what that means:

Private jet rental/helicopter rental/UberBlack: $400,000 (I have no idea how much this costs but I’m assuming it is super duper expensive so let’s just fill in all the blanks with this.)

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So as you can see, with a little bit of creativity and some shenanigans, I got to $900,000. And really, it’s only shenanigans to me because this ain’t my life, but in the lifestyles of the rich and famous, it probably is.

How much do you think you could spend on entertainment a month?

Panama Jackson is the Senior Editor of Very Smart Brothas. He's pretty fly for a light guy. You can find him at your mama's mama's house drinking all her brown liquors.

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DISCUSSION

crystalmariecom
Crystal Marie

Fun fact, the form for spousal support has pre-set budget line items, so if she is trying to get a specific amount, she and her lawyers are forced to put outrageous amounts in the line items provided.