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If you think it's totally fucked up that Serena Williams would announce her pregnancy on the same day Maria Sharapova — the woman who still somehow out earns Serena in endorsements despite losing to her 18 consecutive times and getting exposed as a drug cheat — turned 30 (and, for the record, it totally, definitely, absolutely is fucked up, but oh well), just wait until 16 years from now if Serena has a daughter. And that daughter also becomes a prodigy, and enters the pro circuit at 15. And then faces Maria Sharapova, who's extending her career in an effort to break Martina Navratilova's record as the oldest player to win at Wimbledon (46). Imagine the headlines if Serena the Second beats Sharapova too.

"Sharapova Sonned By Mother And Daughter"

"Maybe Maria Might Beat The Granddaughter Or Niece Or Something One Day"

"Another Year, er, Decade, Another Loss To A Williams"

"Serena Junior Can't Drive Yet, But Can Surf On Maria's Tears"

Anyway, happy birthday Maria!