I started watching the Netflix original show Everything Sucks! the way I end up watching everything, including stellar movies like My Sidepiece Hit the Lotto (potentially THE most ridiculous movie I’ve ever seen, and I own a physical copy of the movie N-Secure, which you should never see): I scrolled through the recommended movies and said, “Eff it, why not?”
By the time the first episode wrapped, after a solid 22 minutes, I was all in on the crew from Boring, Ore. Everything Sucks! is a show set in 1996 with two main characters: Luke O’Neal, a freshman burgeoning filmmaker, and the object of his desire, Kate Messner, a sophomore, who is the principal’s daughter and struggling with her sexuality. They are part of the A/V Club, and after a series of unfortunate events, they end up partnering with the Drama Club to create a film. Shenanigans ensue.
The character who plays Luke, Jahi Di’Allo Winston, played young Ralph Tresvant in The New Edition Story, so of course when I saw his face on the trailer, I was all in. The show is well-written and entertaining and has enough of the “that makes no sense” sensibilities (they threw me for a loop when Luke’s father turned out to be a white man and, like, none of that is surprising to anybody except EVERY BLACK PERSON WHO WATCHED IT) to keep you guessing.
Anyway, I was thoroughly enjoying the show, cruising along through episodes, beast-moding my Sunday viewings, giving Netflix all it could handle—save for the graduation cookout I had to attend in the middle of watching—when I thought to myself, “Self, I wonder if Boring, Oregon, is a real place? What an interesting name for a town!”
I did my Googles, and sure as shootin’, Boring is a real place. But what I ALSO discovered rocked me to my core. I found no shortage of articles informing me that my newfound televisionistic love HAD BEEN MOTHERFUCKING CANCELED! Despite having positive reviews on Metacritic and Rotten Tomatoes, apparently nobody watched the shit, though everybody who did loved it. So Netflix pulled the plug.
At this point I was on the eighth episode and became immediately drained. I’d just spent the past about seven hours investing in the lives of the crew from fictional Boring High School and getting emotionally caught up in their lives, only to find out that I had two more episodes to hope that the whole fucking show wrapped up everything in case they didn’t get renewed. Turns out they didn’t. Apparently the showrunners and writers and everybody had been preparing for as second season, so the show more or less ... stops.
WITH A CLIFFHANGER. THE CLIFFIEST HANGER OF THEM ALL.
I’m despondent. I’m annoyed. I’m crushed. Also, I realize this is my fault. Clearly, the moment I decided to watch this show, I should have looked it up to see if it had been canceled. I learned this lesson the hard way with the remarkably expensive The Get Down, which was canceled because Netflix could probably never justify the hunnid-million-dollar price tag for a show that was more of a cult hit than a blockbuster. Plus, the second half of the show nose-dived like J.R. Smith in the last four seconds of a playoff game. I was all in on The Get Down and it caught the Sandman.
I didn’t see that coming with Everything Sucks! though. The show was so well written and so well executed. It’s set in the ’90s, and there are nods to Oasis, MTV, Discmans, baggy clothing, pleated pants, etc. And who doesn’t love the ’90s?
I mean, it’s such a good damn show and couldn’t have been THAT expensive to make. Now that I’ve reached the end, I’m blown. I need to know what happens when Luke answers the door. I need to know what happens with Kate and Emaline. I need to see McQuaid make the leap into super cool nerd who accepts that all the chicks dig him.
Dear Netflix, how could you do this to me? How, SWAY?! I hate learning lessons I should have already learned the hard way. I will do my Googles from here forward, but I mean ...
Can we get a second and FINAL season please? Everything sucks without it!
See what I did there? (I know you do.)