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Typically, I’m not a big fan of owing people shit once a relationship ends. Like, I don’t owe you to wait before I jump into a new relationship with somebody else. I don’t owe you to not bang your mother if she puts it out there. I mean, I probably shouldn’t bang your mother anywa. But if the opportunity were to present itself, and I decided NOT to do it, it wouldn’t be because I used to date you.

I’m just not a big fan of owing people that you aren’t married to in relationships. In fact, the only thing I think that you owe a person you end a relationship with is respect from afar.

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With that being said, if I give you a kidney, you will owe me the relationship we have for the rest of our lives, no matter how you feel about me. Basically, we’re gon’ go together until one of us dies. And since you was (probably) fixin’ to til I, kind of  like, helped undo that, it looks like we’re gonna have to ride that pony out for a good and long time.

OR until EYE break up with you.

Basically, the only way a relationship in which I extended your life through transplant or heroics should end is in death or me ending it. There’s really no other way you’re bouncing on me if I kept you alive.

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Why is this a thing?

Well, on the Facebooks today, I saw that question that people keep referencing all over the Twitters about the dude who received a kidney from his ForeverBooEvenIfHeDon’tKnowIt, but realizes that he no longer loves her and is conflicted about ending things. Good. He should be. Have all the conflict. Be Gulf Wars I and II. Operations Storm and Shield.

If that woman gave of her actual self in THE most selfless way possible, you owe her to try really hard. You don’t love her anymore? That’s cool. Pretend, my nigga. Pretend. Pretend for as long as she needs you to pretend. Pretend until she gets tired of you. In fact, if you want out, you should find a way to let her get tired of you (which she probably is, but she gave you a kidney so she’s like, I mean, I kept this dude alive, I kind of owe myself to see if it was worth it, right?)

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Real spit, I understand the dilemma. Who wants to stay in a situation where you know you’ll be miserable? That’s fair. And if the dude DID bounce on ole girl, it wouldn’t be the end of the world. People break up. It’s part of dating.

You know what isn’t part of dating though? Keeping people alive with your body. That’s love. That’s going above and beyond.

To be real, she was also in a precarious position. See, at some point it was determined that dude needed a new kidney on her watch. She got tested to see if she was a match because of course she did. Turns out she was. At the point she found out she was a match she couldn’t just NOT give him one if she’d be able to live with just one. You can’t just let folks die out here. That’s rude as fuck, b. She was probably thinking, if I give this cat my kidney, he bet’ not never leave me. But that’s also not realistic. She decided to put humanity over her own potentially misguided feelings.

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Except was right. Because most of us are right about such things. Guts are real. Jenny Craig ain’t lie.

So now dude is ready to bounce, but he’s only there because she kept him alive.

Fucking good. It ain’t like he can give the kidney back. Plus, unless I didn’t want a chick anymore, I’d be SUPER pissed if she’s walking around with one of my body parts inside her (hehehehehe), buying herringbone necklaces and PG County Kevin Durant shoes for some other cat ONLY because I prolonged her life.

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I’d be salty. And might resort to some pettiness.

Shit, I might feel that way even if I broke things off. HOWEVER, I’d be in the wrong then. If I give a chick a kidney, she better buy ME some KDs.

Point is, I understand the conflict, but just keep this in mind: if I donate to you a body part – I don’t care if it’s some marrow or a kidney or hook you up with some eyelash replacements or something – you might as well buckle up for this car ride until I’m ready to stop like Forrest Gump.

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In the parlance of sagacious Cardi B, if I give you a body part, you gon’ be with me…FOH-EVA.

(Or until I’m done with us.)