Atlanta
Screenshot: FX Networks

Because as Luvvie articulated a few weeks ago, it is the global mantra of professional time wasters.

Because it’s ice-breaking and networking jargon that doesn’t actually mean anything (no, seriously—it doesn’t mean anything).

Because what the hell do you want to build? A fondue castle? A Lego playground? An Ikea bookcase?

Because even if you are sincere and you sincerely wish to collaborate on something worthwhile, the language communicates insincerity. Use different language!

Because when people say that, what they’re usually really saying is, “I just want you to give me a shortcut on how to do whatever it is you do. And to be honest, I don’t even care that much about what you do or how you do it. I just want to possess the performance of success.”

Advertisement

Because if that is your true intention, just say it! You’d get a better answer!

Because asking someone about their “vision” presumes that people possess applicable visions that they’re able to articulate. Full disclosure: I don’t know what the fuck I’m doing. I mean, I write things and I’m good enough at it, I guess, to have people pay me to do it. But there’s no plan. There’s no blueprint. I just ... do things and try to get better at the things I’m doing and hope that they work. The only things I build with intent are cascading walls of angst.

Because hearing that gives me anxiety, since now I’ll feel pressure to come up with some bullshit about my vision, when I just want to say, “You wanna do what I do? Be functionally insecure, be from Pittsburgh and drink whiskey.”

Advertisement

Because if we do build that Lego playground and it ends up being the shittiest Lego playground ever with fire hazards, termites and asbestos, guess who’s gonna get flamed on Twitter—not you!

Because I just want to finish my drink and scout for convenient toilets.