Illinois Gov. Bruce Rauner’s Drinking Chocolate Milk for ‘Diversity’ Is the Whitest Thing That Ever Happened This Week

Chicago Tribune screenshot

The pervasive mindlessness of white people—a dynamic stemming from the perpetual withdrawing from humanity required to keep whiteness erect—is something we’re reminded of and endangered by every day.

Sometimes, as with the reactions from the White House and its minions to the shooting in Parkland, Fla., it manifests as a craven cowardice where you sincerely wonder if their souls are made of empty Kit-Kat wrappers and olive juice. Sometimes, as with Abigail “the Aggressive Pedestrian” Fisher, this mindlessness inflates their self-worth and warps their perception of reality, making them believe their Hot Pocket-ass asses are really steaks.


And then, sometimes, you have people like Illinois Gov. Bruce Rauner, whose mindlessness results in the type of cluelessness that would allow the strikingly white governor of a state to partake in a dumb-as-the-fuck experiment where mixing and drinking chocolate milk exists as an analogy for diversity. Adding insult to caucasity, he allowed himself to be filmed while doing it.

Of course, the chocolate milk wasn’t his idea. It was from the wicked mind of Hyatt Hotels diversity and inclusion executive Tyronne Stoudemire, who apparently has been doing this for decades and has too many n’s in his first name. That Tyronnnnnnnnne Stoudemire is black doesn’t matter. Sometimes blacks and whites combine for shitty ideas, which is why I’m lactose intolerant.

This gaffe is squarely on the shoulders of the doofus who happens to be the governor of Illinois. Because powerful white men should know that it isn’t chocolate milk that synopsizes and solves diversity. It’s potlucks.

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About the author

Damon Young

Damon Young is the editor-in-chief of VSB and a columnist for His debut memoir in essays, What Doesn't Kill You Makes You Blacker (Ecco/HarperCollins), is available for preorder.