Craig Barritt/Getty Images for Netflix

Iron Fist, for all intents and purposes, is televised gentrification pre-equipped with its own heroin addiction. It is painstakingly everything I hate about Williamsburg, Austin, San Francisco, and anywhere else hipsters meet & breed like drugged addicted rabbits in chinos.

Honestly, I can break down many issues with the show like this without spoilers:

  • It's the first Netflix show made for the CW because there's no way this isn't Arrow 2.0
  • Since Danny Rand was raised a mystical warrior since 10 years of age, his constant man-child aloofness mixed with Zen-like fake woke wisdom makes you want to punch him in the face
  • There are only three characters saving this show: Madam Gao, Claire, and Zheng Chou, the drunken master (who arguably should have gotten the role as Danny Rand)
  • Rosario Dawson reprising Claire gets way more shine than usual but she's also forced to be a voice of reason in the most disgusting ways possible
  • The love story should have never existed. Ever. It ruined the pointless plot even further
  • The action sucks. Straight up. Law & Order SVU has had better action scenes
  • The plot has more leaks than our current administration
  • The villains outside of Gao make no sense at all
  • There is no true purpose to Danny, the Iron Fist, or his reason to fight. He merely exists.
  • The show is 13 episodes, meaning it's really eight episodes too long.
  • The Iron Fist is actually pointless for the whole series until the last episode, by which point you'd swear they'd play Snap – I've Got The Power, because its' that damn campy

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This show would have worked in the 80s, right next to Kung Fu with David Carradine. The issue here is the source material is sincerely outdated, and does not fit the context of our current woke society, that no longer will lay silent to the constant white washing of media. A lone White person appropriating a position meant for a person of color just isn't going to fly anymore. Matt Damon felt it with The Great Wall. Scarlett Johansson is feeling it with Ghost In The Shell (oooh I got words for this one). Hollywood is going to learn the hard way: you're fucking with the wrong ones here.

For every white dude who's tried to insert his knowledge of hip-hop within two seconds of meeting you; for every 5'2, 98 lb white yoga instructor telling you how to harness your inner chi when you swear she bathed in cat hair; for every Mexican spot you've ever been to, hungry out of your mind, only to meet an all white staff save for the lone Mexican cook, knowing that guacamole was going to be as bland as the Top 40 hits playlist they're bumping through the speakers. If you're a person of color, you've been here before, and the irony of Iron Fist is the constant reminder while this is a work of fiction, THIS IS OUR REALITY. It is sooooo annoying.

Lastly, for any White person that's ready to put on their Keyboard Warrior costume (whatever you're wearing plus Starbucks coffee) to come at me, let me hit you with something first. The scene where Danny strikes a Black student down with a kendo stick for laughing at his overtly serious attitude towards kung fu after Danny came barging in and interrupted the class is a constant reminder of the position we've been forced into: us on the ground, looking up at you, wondering what did we ever do to you and what gave you the right to infringe on us. So we are done with this position. We are done imagining. We are telling you it's time to sit that ho ass down and watch something else. You can't relate? Welp I've never related to John Wayne or Carrie Bradshaw but that got stuffed down my throat, so it's time for y'all to take one for the team.

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Joel Philip is 30-something from the land of bullets and blueberry muffins known as Brooklyn, N.Y. He specializes in being awkward, daydreams of being Mr. Robot and tries to live the theme of Toy Story 3 every day of his life.