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LaCroix Doesn’t Just Taste Like Bug Spray, It Might Actually BE Bug Spray

Illustration for article titled LaCroix Doesn’t Just Taste Like Bug Spray, It Might Actually BE Bug Spray
Photo: Randy Shropshire (Getty Images)

Remember way, way, way, way, way back when, when I was like, “Y’all are pretending to enjoy LaCroix,” and some of y’all were like, “Blasphemy! La Croix is the nectar of the Gods!

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And then I was like, “Um, it tastes how Lindsey Graham’s voice sounds,” and then y’all were like, “I JUST BAPTIZED MY DAUGHTER IN MELON POMELO!

And then I was like, “Y’all’s taste buds are trash” and then y’all were like, “A POX! A POX ON YOUR HOUSE, DAMON YOUNG!

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Well, I hope y’all like apples, because, well ...

From USA Today:

A lawsuit filed against LaCroix’s parent company alleges the sparkling water advertised as “all natural” includes an ingredient used in cockroach insecticide as well as other artificial ingredients.

Law firm Beaumont Costales filed the suit on behalf of customer Lenora Rice, CBS Philadelphia reports, and claims testing revealed the synthetic ingredients. LaCroix denies the allegations.

“LaCroix in fact contains ingredients that have been identified by the Food and Drug Administration as synthetic,” the lawsuit obtained by CBS states. “These chemicals include limonene, which can cause kidney toxicity and tumors; linalool propionate, which is used to treat cancer; and linalool, which is used in cockroach insecticide.”

So basically not only does LaCroix taste like bug spray, it might very well be bug spray. And not just garden-variety bug spray, but roach insecticide. Roaches are basically the Thanos of bugs, and y’alls precious and delicate and terrible LaCroix might contain the chemicals used to kill the most unkillable things on Earth.

Now, I’d be remiss if I didn’t admit that our friends at the Takeout have already explained why you shouldn’t worry about this. So, LaCroix stans, don’t fret too much, because this is actually good news. You can still drink it at game nights and BBQs. And if you happen to see a roach there, you can just spray some on it too!

Damon Young is the editor-in-chief of VSB, a contributing opinion writer for The New York Times, and the author of What Doesn't Kill You Makes You Blacker (Ecco/HarperCollins)

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DISCUSSION

banacek
Old white guy

I tried a lacroix. Once. I thought at first I misread the can and I should have shaken it (oh, I guess all the flavor’s at the bottom). And then I drank more and then it hit me: this is all it is.

And at that point I could only ask the question: “Why?”, followed by “No, really, why would you drink this, when it’s barely flavored water. Just drink water. It’s free!”.

But, you know, there are people who say they like it because, you know, you’re supposed to like it. The way people say they like Kale. When I read something where a person actually said he loved Kale chips, it was his ‘comfort food’, I realized there are people in this world who just don’t understand what good food and drink taste like, because they refuse to ‘lower’ themselves to such things.