The odd circumstances leading to Atlanta Hawks owner Bruce Levenson selling his interest in the team apparently stem from racially insensitive comments made by general manager Danny Ferry during a conference call in June, an act that led to the internal investigation of the Hawks and Levenson self-reporting his own racially tinged comments.
What exactly did Ferry say in that conference call that drew such attention? The following is a quote from an email sent by Hawks minority owner Michael Gearon, who was so offended by Ferry's comments that he wanted him fired:
With respect to one potential free agent, a highly-regarded African-American player and humanitarian, Ferry talked about the player's good points, and then went on to describe his negatives, stating that "he has a little African in him. Not in a bad way, but he's like a guy who would have a nice store out front but sell you counterfeit stuff out of the back." Ferry completed the racial slur by describing the player (and impliedly, all persons of African decent) as a two-faced liar and cheat.
Apparently, the player discussed was Luol Deng, known through NBA circles as being a great teammate and humanitarian who, according to Ferry, probably also sells Louis purses and belts out of his trunk.
Anyway, intrigued by Ferry's comments, our crack research team discovered a few more of Danny Ferry's scouting reports on NBA players, and will share a few of them today.
Great scorer. A little selfish. Nice looking wife, who may or may not taste like cereal. Is from Baltimore, so has some of The Wire in him. Will definitely rob and murder you if he had to. But, not in a bad way, though. He has a good heart. Basically, he's just like Bodie
Awesome athlete. Improving player. Marketable, because of the Black and White thing. We can market him to fans unaware one drop of Black blood makes you Black. Again, has some Black in him. But not the bad Black, like Idi Amin. The good Black, like Jason Derulo. Maybe you wouldn't let your daughter date him. But, you wouldn't be mad if he was in your daughter's study group
Great player. One of the all-time best. Versatile. Marketable. Is married now, so that's good. Used to have the bad Akron in him. Which is why he wasn't married and started losing his hair. But now has the good Akron in him. Which is why he went back to Cleveland.
Great defender. Getting better on offense. But, is African. And apparently has a large penis — at least according to my source at Lipstick Alley — so we can't risk signing him. Can't have more than one large penised African on the team. Would make for awkward Bobblehead nights.
Best scorer in the game. Hard worker. Humble. Is a mama's boy, though. But is the good kind of mama's boy, though. Not the bad kind, like Tyrese in that movie and what's-his-name from Game of Thrones. But the good kind, who loves and depends on his mama. Can tell he's the good kind by his reluctant to brush his hair.
Best floor general. Leader. Marketable. Great teammate. Can't trust him, though. He is Black, so it's possible he invented Cliff Paul just to evade the police. My daughter also thinks he's cute, which…just no.
All-time great scorer and competitor. Asshole, but not the bad type of asshole. Has some issues with women, apparently. But not the bad kind. More the good, charming kind. Like Charles Manson. You need some Charles Mansons on your team to beat the Spurs.
Great, great athlete and competitor. Might be the most underrated player in the league. Is apparently a Black hipster. But not the bad, poser kind. More authentic. Like someone from Brooklyn instead of someone from D.C. Still wouldn't take him, though. Prefer Black players to be more Black, without being too Black. Like Jason Derulo (I really like that guy).
Underrated. Great shooter. Very unselfish. Will do what it takes to win. May have sugar in his tank. It's good sugar though. The kind they give you at Ruth's Chris Steak House and Panera Bread. Not the bad, welfare, sugar. Can't sign a guy with bad, welfare, sugar. Because it turns into baking soda when it burns.