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When I first saw the news about Minister Louis Farrakhan praising and complimenting Donald Trump circulating my newsfeeds and timelines, I assumed it was a story from The Onion. "Haha!" I initially thought, "Those jokers at The Onion really tickle my knickers!"

Okay, that's a lie. I knew it wasn't from The Onion. It would have been a bit too clumsily on-the-nose for them. It did, however, feel too absurd to be real. Which, considering that it concerned Donald Trump, meant it was definitely, 100% real. Because the more absurd the Trump related news happens to be, the more likely it's actually true. If someone told me Donald Trump had a salad this morning, I wouldn't believe them. But if they said "Donald Trump just said that he invented salad" I would.

From Louis Farrakhan Praises Trump for His Independence From the "Jewish Community"

Louis Farrakhan, the Nation of Islam leader and prominent black activist and minister, is a fan of Donald Trump. Can you guess why? The Republican frontrunner “is the only mem­ber who has stood in front of Jew­ish com­mu­nity, and said I don’t want your money,” Farrakhan said in a speech Sunday.

Farrakhan’s unremitting support of black causes is only matched by his unremitting anti-Semitism, so the comment is not wholly surprising. But his praise of Trump in particular—who is no friend to black America, and who has made Muslims a chief target of his xenophobic campaign—is completely bizarre.

Farrakhan gave the remark as a part of his Saviour’s Day sermon at a Nation of Islam mosque in Chicago.

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I really don't know how to process this information, and I doubt I ever will. Mainly because I'm both perplexed by and in awe of Minister Farrakhan's perpetual scorn of Jewish people. I'm perplexed because of all the many varied and colorful hates to possess — there are really some beautiful and brilliant and creative hates out there — hating a Jewish person because they're a Jewish person is just one I've never considered. It just seems too time-consuming and complex. (Would it mean I'd have to trash my Seinfeld box set? And stop using "verklempt" in status messages?) It also doesn't seem like much fun. At least not as much fun as hating Kappas. And women rocking jeans with no back pockets.

And the awe stems from the fact that I've never felt as strongly about anything as Minister Farrakhan seems to feel about Jews. I can't fathom the level of feeling it takes to hate something so much you'll support someone who also hates you just because they're "eh" about the thing you hate. Like, you know how much it sucks to bite some microwave pizza, and burn the roof of your mouth so badly you can't taste anything for 10 minutes? You hate that, right? Of course you do, because everyone does! Well, imagine if you waited 10 minutes for the pizza to cool down and the roof of your mouth to heal, went to bite it again, but saw a roach on it. That's how much Minister Farrakhan hates Jewish people. Which, officially, makes him my #hategoals. My hate spirit animal.