It's no secret that I'm a fan of Ray J. In fact, the very reason I was so excited about this season of Love & Hip Hop was because it was to prominently feature Ray J Da Gawd. And where there is Ray, there are shenanigans aplenty. Except that didn't happen. At least not the way I'd hoped. Sure he showed up acting a damn fool on occasionand being petty and non-sensical at first, but the storylines headed different directions as we all realized a simple truth: Willie Ray Norwood, Jr just isn't that damn interesting. I had all the sighs. Luckily, this cast is full of individuals who have little to no common sense so it hasn't been a waste.
For instance, Nia Riley. I do not enjoy Nia Riley. Who knew that she'd make me a fan of Soulja Boy? I feel myself picking sides whenever they're on screen. Like last night, for instance. Soulja Boy is in Brazil doing shows. She has decided that she "thinks she's pregnant" which according to the Journal of the National Medical Association isn't a thing. Especially not when you've taken a pregnancy test that comes back positive. But hey, what do I know. I got two hangin' and one swangin'. And sometimes I think I see spaceships on Bankhead so who am I to judge.
Anyway, she's upset because she found out she's pregnant while he's away and she wants to talk to him and let him know everything going on, you know, kinda-sorta-but-like-really pregnant and shit. And he hasn't been available. I understand that with the advances in technology, its fairly simple to be in touch with folks no matter where they are. We talk to people in space for cripe's sake. I got a homeboy in the Domincan Republic that I talk to frequently using various apps on my phone. But you date Soulja Boy and he's out working doing shows in Brazil, boo. I ain't saying he shouldn't check up on his girl, but from what we've seen, the dude is actually trying. Sure he's a 24-year-old 16-year-old, but he's the head of a money making entity and she chose to be with him and hes like if it ain't about the money, don't be blowin' me up nigga I ain' gettin' up. Real talk, all her angst sounds like she's just mad that he's out of town. You hit him up right before he's about to do a show - like about to hit the stage - and are upset that he's not making time for you? Come on. She feels like he should make changes for her. Dat very dumb. Like I said, she's just mad that he's somewhere else she isn't and having fun.
How do I know this? Because it happened to me. Many moons ago I was out of town and my girlfriend at the time called me pissed that I hadn't called her more than once that day. She felt like I had forgotten about her. Which is a verbatim quote. I had been gone for a total of 9 hours. The whole weekend she kept finding reasons to call me and be pissed. It was ridiculous. These things happen. I know you're pregnant but he's going to be back in a few weeks. You'd rather have that convo in person anyway. I promise you. Well, turns out she has a miscarriage and is upset because he wasn't there for any of it and she feels alone. And that makes sense. I just ain't so sure I believe she was really pregnant. I just don't. But I ain't one to gossip so you ain't heard that from me.
Let's talk about Morgan. That is one messy broad. So Ray has taken to heart the words of his father and decided he needs to apologize to Teairra. They're all at Berg's birthday extravaganza which looked like THE most boring party ever. In fact, it really looked like they sent an invite to a fill an audience and told them to wear white. Niggas - and by niggas I mean Sincere, TMurda, Hazel, Berg, and Masika - look to be about to get into it and everybody else is sitting there like, "why am I here again?" That party did not look fun. At all. And nobody there gave a fuck about it.
Actually, before we get to Ray, let's just focus on this Berg and Masika non-sense. We all know he drug her ass around a hotel room and obstructed her breathing, which I'm pretty sure means "choked the fuck out" but I suppose thats not official police lingo. But I guess this is where their burgeoning love starts. Now, I'mma say this and I'mma end mines. How ANY woman could decide to want to give it a try with a nigga who has made it clear he's a pussy pirate is beyond me. He has a name for his shenanigans which I'm pretty sure DoD is not happy about. Anyway, at the terrible party, in the MOST CRINGEWORTHY display I've seen on a show full of them, Masika who has taken the song Hazel used to have starts to perform it (and yes, it is trash) and Hazel in her genius decides to spit her verses over the song to show niggas that it's her song. I actually couldn't watch. I had to turn my head. I whipped my hair back and forth.
Anyway, Berg and Masika decide to give it a go because why the fuck not. Given the recent events I'm wondering if Masika regrets that, tho Instagram suggests otherwise. Hazel seems to have had a come to Jesus moment and realized that maybe Teairra wasn't wrong. Oh what a tangled web they all have weave. See what I did there?
Anyway, Ray decides he needs to let Teairra know he's sorry, which she appreciates. He actually does seem sincere almost as if he's attempting to make some real changes. She then goes in on him and his girl and how he ain't happy and he mentions that becasue he's in anger management, it won't piss him off. I laughed at that. I really did. Anyway, she starts telling him his business because his messy as ex-assistant Morgan has been running her yap. Apparently, Ray's girl Princess (who is Floyd's ex) tells Morgan shit and then she tells Teairra shit. What kind of backwater shit is that? While I did think that asking Morgan not to be friends with TMurda was dumb, at least expecting her not to be sharing his business was understandable. I never liked Morgan.
Teairra meets up with Ray's mom who drops as many cliches as can be dropped in one outing about lettings niggas go. It does have to be frustrating knowing that you want something and you can't seem to get it becuase they won't get right. Then again, you can lead a horse to water but a bird in the hand is worth two in the Bush White House. Or something.
Ray meets up with Morgan to tell her that she ain't shit. Funny because she really thought he was going to apologize. In this instance, Ray is totally in the right. She ain't shit. She's a leaky faucet and happy about it. She attempts to play his soul by tossing Floyd's name around and saying Ray is driving Floyd's cars etc. Which, I ain't gon' lie, I totally would. Ray done already played piano for the man, its the least Floyd can do. She claims that Princess is still messing with Floyd and trying to hook up with other dudes. Ray should have fired her. She ain't shit.
Lastly, we get the Apryl and Omarion story. I like them long time. Which might have been racist (what I just said) considering Apryl is half Taiwanese. And she like, really is. I don't know what Apryl's mother has been through, but it's been real yo. She looks like its been a lot of long nights making a lot of long walks to nowhere. She has walked hard in the Johnny Cash sense of the term. Anyway, Apryl attempts to talk to her mother because she sees her being caring for her new son…Mega…*slaps forehead*…and wonders why she wasn't able to do that for her or her sister and effectively ruined their lives by taking them away from the safest places they had as kids. Apryl has a lot of very understandable issues. Her mother also seems to have removed all of those instances from her memory. I do hope Apryl can get some closure, but one thing I've learned in life, my rap, is that closure is often never coming. Apryl is gorge by the way. I just felt the need to say that.
Next week looks like a smorgasbord of fuckery. Princess seems to…fall in a pool trying to talk shit to Ray proving that God don't like ugly. Fizz in his never ending quest to make the worst women decisions possible ends up on a date with Nikki, and Hazel and TMurda talk it out. And we get a Brandy sighting!
As always, more shit happens.