Love & Hip Hop Hollywood Ep. 9 Recap

Omarion (Frazer Harrison/Getty Images)
Omarion (Frazer Harrison/Getty Images)

Another day, another hour of my time Mona Scott-Young has taken from me that I can’t get back. The fact that I willingly hand it over is beside the point. This past Monday’s shenanigans involved the whole cast and crew and dare I say that there was a bit of common sense involved?


I dared to say it.

So let’s start with the couple I love to hate. Amanda is pissed that she met up with Moniece and caught a two-piece from her so she goes to tell Fizz to check his *CENSORED*. Which Fizz, in his infinite wisdom, agrees to talk to Mo’ but in more wisdom – infinity and shit – is like “bish whet? Why’d you go there in the first place? You know she’s nuts. You ask for a beatdown she’ll oblige. What did you say to her?”


Amanda is like, “it doesn’t matter what I said” which is not true. See, we all saw the shenanigans. Amanda was all jabs. She hit Moniece with a right left, right left you toothless. But after Moniece dropped them 5th ward beans on her, Amanda was like, “Gotdamn you’re ruthless!” Point is, Fizz is right to imply that Amanda pretty much had that shit coming. You walk into the lion’s den, then talk shit about the lions telling them that the hyenas are really running this rap shit, don’t be surprised when that lion goes lion on your ass. Moniece went lion. Amanda somehow doesn’t see how its her fault. She should watch more Animal Kingdom.

Moniece and Fizz meet up and amazingly, Moniece comes with a surprising amount of sense in regards to their son. Fizz feels that because their son is with him that what he chooses to do is none of her concern because he is always acting in the best interest of his son. Which may be true, but the mother does have a right to know who is around her kid. I do believe this. Of course, because Moniece is Moniece, she is not a disciple of Dr. Martin Luther tha King, Jr or Henry David Thoreau, so non-violence isn’t really her cup of tea. She isn’t even a “by any means necessary” chick. Moniece is more like Hulk Smash. She’s Davida Banner. You take her there, the ensuing mayhem is your fault. Awwww, bae, how I love thee.

Moving along to my man Ray J. So he’s got his sentencing looming for acting a damn fool and seems to actually, like legitimately, feel bad about the fuckshit he has wrought. I’d call this growth, but it’s Ray J we’re talking about. Growth has a shelf-life with him. He, Berg, and Sincere are out for drinks and Berg lets him know that he’s been working with Teairra but has neither fried nor fertilized her eggs. Ray goes comedian on that ass when talking about how Teairra put them paws on Sincere AND THEY AIN’T EVEN DATING! He told y’all she was violent. Y’ALL MUSTA FORGOT!

He also comedically lets us know, that “Cool, Berg…go on ahead and give Teairra a hit. But just know that she’s gon’ hit you if it doesn’t work out.” That Ray, what a card. Turns out he gets three years probation, 100 hours of community service, and has to undertake anger management. In a somewhat touching moment with his father, he’s expressing how bad he feels and you can see he wants to cry. He probably cried in the car. But he was contrite and his father let him know that there’s a war goin’ on inside that Ray ain’t safe from. He could run but he couldn’t hide forever. And he also let’s Ray know that Teairra wasn’t wrong for feeling how she feels, especially if Ray admits to being petty. Also, Ray has been downplaying his situation with Teairra, but Berg and Sincere laughed that off and she still calls his mother? Ray’s fugazi as that “Novado” watch I had in college. The one with the glass chips that ticked. It was fly though.


Anyway, looks like Ray is gonna give T-Murda that apology she is looking for. By the way, I did that before, you know, apologized for being a douche after the fact. THEN I was a douche again. Let me tell you something, I have very few regrets in life, definitely under 5…but two of them involve one person. And one of them is being exactly who she thought I was AFTER I tried to pretend I wasn’t. I’ve grown since then, but I’m still mad at myself.

Le sighs.

But not as mad as I am that Masika and Nikki still get screen time. When we last left our synthetic dolls, Nikki saw the unveiling of Masika’s billboard to promote a new Las Vegas stripclub. Well, Nikki and Masika get into it (because of course they do) with Nikki threatening to have her removed from the campaign, something her mother pointed out is not going to happen. It’s amazing how two women who got played by the same dude can’t realize that they hate each other over a man who screwed them both over. It ain’t even about him anymore, its about their pride, power, and being a bad ass mudda who don’t take on crap off of nobody…oh, and leverage. Women love them some leverage.


Hazel comes and looks dumb as hell again. She’s mad about Berg and Masika ki-ki-ing it up. Nobody cares. But since she’s sticking her nose where nobody wants it, Masika lets T-Murda know how much shit Hazel has been talking. Somehow, someway Teairra feels like a woman she has clowned relentlessly should respect her enough to not talk about her? #wheredeydodatat

We find out that Nikki’s mother has come across some mugshots of Masika. Nikki is plotting. Teairra shows amazingly good and bad judgment at the same damn time and brings Nikki and Masika together to talk and hopefully hash shit out and plays referee – and pretty well a few times – but neither of them are interested in clearing the air. Nikki is all like, “bitch youse a felon” and Masika is like, “uh huh, okay, what’s up? Shut up.” Masika got popped as juvenile for shop lifting and basically being a broke teenager. Who hasn’t shoplifted a time or two before? Did I just snitch on myself? #stopsnitching
Anyway, they part ways cuz good. I feel like the Nikki phase out should start happening right about now. She has no more value. None.


Soulja Boy and Nia are shopping for sunglasses and he tells her that they need to ease up on her moving in. She gets in her feelings. Then he explains why. He’s going on tour to Brazil for two weeks and there won’t be any security available for her at his house and he doesn’t feel that its safe. She’s all like, “I knew he’d pull something…” Meanwhile, I’m scratching my head like…wait, he’s making sense. He sounds reasonable. Maybe he’s pulled, the “I ain’t got no security so you can’t sit with us” card before or something. Yo no se. Then he’s like, I think we should fall back on you moving in and let’s get a new place together. I’m sorry, Nia, but Soulja Boy is sounding like a man who gives a shit. He even said Mr. Riley got him a lil shook. Maybe he’s turning a corner (previews for next imply that he is not turning a corner).

Lastly, Apryl and Omarion’s son is born on this show. We also find out Apryl’s backstory. So she’s half Taiwanese and presumably half Black with a pappy who spent considerable time in prison. These chicks on these shows prove that pretty women can definitely overcome obstacles and make it to VH1. But we learn she’s got a lot of issues from her past with her mother, how she was raised, not getting any love, being kept from knowing her family, etc. THAT has all the makings of being interesting. Her mother’s name is Chachi by the way. I got nothing to add there, I’m just sharing.


Cute baby. Awwwwwww.

Next week, Apryl and her mother get into it. Ray and Morgan get into it. More shit happens.

Panama Jackson is the Senior Editor of Very Smart Brothas. He's pretty fly for a light guy. You can find him at your mama's mama's house drinking all her brown liquors.

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