Love & Hip Hop Hollywood Season 2: Episode 4 Recap

VH1 screenshot
VH1 screenshot

Finally, we hit pay dirt.

This show has been boring the ever loving day lights out of me for three straight weeks mostly because its the most rehashed retread non-sense ever at this point. You've got fuckpeople doing fuckpeople things. Except there was no panache, no chutzpah, no oomph.


Well last night that all changed as we watched the shenanigans of some of our least favorite people start to descend into what makes them tick. So let's start with Brandi.


How they ended up married is beyond me. That broad is classified-level 10 NASA crazy. She's they just found water on Mars - and that's crazy - but this chick is on all the ones crazy. She can't have a job because her full time employ is trying to find her man fucking up. So she went to the studio and caught him with a woman with her arm on his shoulder and lost it. He also didn't have on his wedding ring…put a pin in that, we'll come back to it. She loses it. Not like lost your remote and you find it between the cushions lost it, more like fell into the drain on the sink and you have to take apart the entire fixture to find it so you say fuck it and go get a new one. But…Max married her.

Keep this in mind, her crazy is not new. She has ALWAYS been crazy. In fact, when men are talking about women being crazy, this is what they mean. Lest you think I'm being hard on her, allow me to reference a scene from the show. Max, avoiding all communication with his wife - which I'd think was smart except they have a kid together - finally comes home after what could be 10 minutes or three days; truly, her reaction seems like it would be the same either way. As they're talking and he's clearly trolling her with non-sequitur responses and dismissive tactics (again feeding the troll), she does that thing that actual crazy people do when talking to you: she shakes and fidgets uncontrollably.

There are really three types of crazy demeanors: 1) there's the sway and rock while calling for the Lord to save you from committing a cardinal sin as perfectly exhibited by Moniece last season; 2) there's the silent, blank stare, and snap that's a popular go-to amongst the sociopath set; and 3) there's the anxious shake that Brandi did last night while they were talking that made Max nervous. Though let's be real, he's seen this before. She was WAITING for him to say the right (wrong?) thing so that she could explode.

Ray J called it, he said she's got a sweet, small exterior but inside is a linebacker waiting to get out.

Her beef is that he isn't wearing his ring to the studio. Now, this is wrong. Let me be very clear on this. You married her, the least you can do is wear the ring. Apparently this is an issue that they have. But she's making it THE issue. It is not THE issue. She doesn't trust him. That ring just gives her a legit entry point to kirk out on him at any given time. Though my man hilariously hit her with the, "why would I wear a ring that represents a crazy person."


He means Brandi. Fair point. Except you married her dumbass. You lose that fair point and I'm taking 10 points because she's been nuts since you met her.  Max, in a display fit for reality TV (hey LHH!) walks outside and throws the ring…somewhere which sends Brandi into damn near a seizure as she stiff walks in hopes that the neighbors don't see their shenanigans. He gets in his Hummer and she stands in front of the car, because crazy. But because not smart, she doesn't realize that reverse is a thing. He drives off. Things will go badly. Forever.

Moving on to the wonderful world of Fizz, Kamiah, and Nikki (who I still can't stand). Kamiah meets up with her friend, some bitchmade blogger dude named Jason Lee who espouses how popular he is for taking pictures with lots of celebs, which just makes him sound like a groupie to me, but I'm sleep. Anyway, Kamiah tells him that Fizz has trouble getting it up and they start clowning.


Kamiah…youse a bird. You out here slandering the dude you still want. You're mad that he called you an appetizer. This is fair. And Fizz is definitely on some non-sense lately thinking he's more of a commodity than he is. But running to a messy blogger dude who is your "friend" to share this messiness? As Hazel says, you're a fraud. You cute, but a fraud. Fizz and Apryl meet up for lunch and this bum nigga Jason Lee invites himself to sit down and starts being messy to which Apryl and Fizz try to check him.

Now…if Kamiah is telling the truth about their interactions, then she has a leg to stand on, and it also goes to show what Fizz was sharing with O and Apryl because Apryl was defending Fizz but I'm guessing she doesn't really know.


I hate this Jason Lee nigga. Like really. I won't even link to that bum niggas site just because I'm petty like that.

Fizz and Nikki have reconnected and he takes her to a movie theater he has invested in, which to Nikki makes him a boss. I don't even own a home theater unless you count my surround sound so shoot your shot, Fizz. Nikki lets him know that she's looking to work with Jason Lee who is cleary a VH1 plant at this point. He's the mole. Fizz tells her to be careful.


Next day or some shit, Nikki meets up with Jason and Hazel who she has also asked to do some PR for her new lingerie line and Jason goes in on how Hazel ain't shit. She shows up, and Jason starts going in on her like  only a bitchass nigga would do and because she kept clapping back at him as he attempted to slander his name, he throws a drink in her face.

Read that again, a man threw a drink in a woman's face for not taking his shit.

I really hate this dude, fam.

Poor Hazel.

Hazel and Miles meet up at the studio at some point so he cant talk to her about Milan because he feels like he's going to lose him because he ain't ready to be out. She tells him to do something big. So Miles gets a tattoo that has their initials on it, which let's be real, Milan is kind of a bird too, so a tattoo, even with just his initial on it is like declaring his love on Bossip or something.


Let's talk about Ray J briefly who is really on the risk of losing me as president of his fan club. Ray and Princess are back in the house together…which by the way, his house does NOT look like the house he was talking about during that Ray J and Fab beef. Anyway, Princess is about that going out and enjoying her life life and Ray thinks she's a woman who needs to be home while he goes out and does "work". A woman is supposed to be home to him. This is insane. Ray…you dumb.

Princess on the other hand is coming to the realization that Teairra might be playing her since how in the hell did Ray know that she was parting with Drake and 'nem, likely NOT listening to that trash Future/Drake What A Time to Be Alive album. Man does it suck. Anyway, the only way Ray could know is Teairra who apparently has been making everybody think that she doesn't speak to Ray.



Teairra, who I've defended and even wrote an entire post talking about why she should be a superstar, is super trifling. But God don't like ugly and karma is a bitch. I see bad things in Teairra's future.


Also, I didn't like Princess last season but I actually like her now. She seems genuine and really just wants love, peace, and soul. The rest of these fuck niggas can kick rocks.

Oh, I forgot. So Kamiah comes to Fizz's house to get her stuff and Nikki is there because of course she is and things get thrown and Kamiah actually manages to hit Fizz in the face, which brings up a question:

Where do they find all these fighting ass women? I grew up with some rough women, but most of the women ain't exactly scrappers. But it seems like these shows are full of women who relish the opportunity to throw them hands. She actually landed one on his face from what it looked like. Either way, Kamiah…


…you out here mad because the man you wanted don't want you exclusively. You left though. Stop acting a fool. He told you what it was when you asked and you decided to walk away. All the shenanigans now just look petty.

But then again, being petty is okay.

Kamiah…carry on.

Next week, more fuckery.

Panama Jackson is the Senior Editor of Very Smart Brothas. He's pretty fly for a light guy. You can find him at your mama's mama's house drinking all her brown liquors.


PDL - Cape Girl Shero

I'm spent….lol I make it a habit now to dvr shows that I know have the potential to be a lot of things. Ratchet tv, outlandish, stupid, dumb, over the top, unbelievable, so forth and so on. I do that so I have the ability to delete, ff, ff through commercials, so forth and so on.Well, last night I dvr'd. Woke up about 1:30 and started watching.

Nothing happens natually, not even drinks being thrown. That entire scene with Tiera May, Moniece and that other chick was scripted. They ain't even good actors. At least make us believe this is alllll happening, playing out before our eyes like for real, for real. Make us believe y'all got together for drinks and wings cause y'all are all bffs…IJS

The fake shopping bags carried by Princess and Apryl as they stroll down the side walk, shooting the breeze (wink wink). Those pretty blue shopping bags had nothing but pretty blue tissue!! Pretty blue tissue positioned EXACTLY the same out of each bag? C'mooon! I.AM.A.SHOPPER. Even the nicest stores won't have tissue paper hanging over the sides as if a birthday or Christmas gift!! Your skirt or pair of slacks will be nicely folded, WRAPPED in tissue and neatly placed in the bag. If you bought a lot, tissue could be visible, again, not positioned like a birthday gift though.

How come (yes, how come) everybody is "potentially" doing something? I have yet to see something solid come to fruition. Fizz "invested" in a movie theater? That plastic chick STILL getting her lingerie line off the ground? Well, heck, seems most of her scenes are shot in some kind of kinky get up. She's got enough, it seems, to be in talk with buyers and stores, right? Hazel and that dude scrapping over who is the biggest nobody? Heck before this show I never heard of either of them. The rest of the extras that rolled up into last night's show…..NEVER HEARD OF THEM!

I could go on, but I'll stop here. I'll continue to keep this on dvr. I can't sit still long enough to get through this show as it's being aired.