Love & Hip Hop NY Ep. 507 Recap: Dear Grandma

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In case your soul wasn’t fully extinguished by the Seahawks’ loss this past Sunday, we spent our Groundhog Day watching our favorite E-list negroes continue to make the same poor decisions. We start off the episode in some grass-lined rooftop in Kingsbridge, where DJ Kay Slay is "working" with a new "artist" named Jhonni Blaze. First of all - I wasn't aware that Kay Slay was still with us. Last I heard of him, it was 2011 and he was failing at dropping a hot 16 on a DJ Drama mixtape. Nevertheless, Rich Dollaz meets up with him, not to put out an APB for Mister Slay's dental work, but to discuss working with Jhonni….who in true Rich fashion, he has already had a dalliance that went sour. By sour, I mean "this girl contacted YBF and leaked all of the bits and kibbles she had stored in her iPhone."

A few thoughts here. First of all…were the streets really clamoring for knowledge of what Rich was (or wasn't) packing? Also, wasn't Snapchat so you could send nudies without the recipients being able to save them? Anyways, Rich Dollaz and Jhonni have a sit down talk, and Jhonni tells him she was just hurt that he was messing around while she was in jail, while Rich pointed out that he got her a lawyer. At first I thought this was a draw, until I thought about the fact that she still ended up doing jail time - unless her jail time was a lot lower than she could have done, in which case what did she do?! The streets need answers!

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We cut to Amina, whose sister was in town (how many sisters does she have?!) to lament about what a terrible husband she has. She makes empty statements about leaving Peter which we all know is a lie, and then discusses taking the kid to Germany without him - which I only bring up to wonder what the hell kind of frequent flier miles her family has, because her and Peter live in a Yonkers apartment being paid for by Mona, with no other source of income. Peter placates her for the time being by saying that he'll introduce her to the rest of his kids…I hope he has enough coins to rent out Webster Hall for that family reunion. In the background. Tara continues to stand on her pillar of righteousness and I find myself struggling to find a damn to give - and neither did Yandy, who only stopped by to tell her that she was pregnant.

Speaking of an absence of damns, Cisco is teaching a master class on niggadom. From a scale of 1 to "durag cape flapping in the wind", Cisco is a solid "walk around with a toothbrush for my sneakers." He meets up with Rich (seriously WHAT is with these folks going to places and not eating - can Mona give them a food stipend) for clarity on how two timing folks possibly didn't work in his favor. When did we get to a point where Rich was the straight man of the show? The dude was coked out for the entire last season! Regardless Rich points out to Cisco that he can't control who his exes decide to move on with - especially not his kids' mother who lives 800 miles away. Undeterred, Cisco sees Diamond with a new man who presumably shared his home address with her on Instagram, and gets his boxers in  a bunch.

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I don't normally like to side with a chick that talks about "visiting" her daughter instead of parenting her, but Cisco really brought her up to dictate what she could or couldn't do post breakup. Puppydaughter aside, Cisco got another chick pregnant while they were together - and is trying to flip the script and question Diamonds loyalty? If you really think about it…Diamonds loyalty to Cisco was unassailable. She was willing to throw her child under the bus for him, after all.

Cisco continues to spout nonsensical arguments bursting from the seams of his bruised ego - apparently Diamond not turning right around and going to Cali was proof of her disloyalty, instead of confirmation that her daughter is not her first priority. Diamond digs deep into her well of petty to talk about how "the streets" - as in her dirty mackin' new boo - are saying that he's a fraud, which he took offense to, despite currently being in the studio with a man who's most notorious in the Brooklyn Area for being a Pawn Rite spokesman (shout out to Uncle Murda). Rational thinking out the window, Diamond threw a drink on her penguin-shaped ex…who definitely started to cock back before security ran into the studio. Ladies, keep your hands to yourselves when you're in the studio with a shiftless fellow named Cisco.

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Speaking of throwing bows…Metairie and his mom go to meet up with Samantha and her mom Kim to discuss the current custody discussion of their grandchildren, and things go left faster than it takes Peter Gunz to impregnate another woman. First…can we talk about Samantha’s mom. This may not be PC to ask…but how did THAT happen? I am so sincere when I say that I wasn’t sure why she didn’t pursue a career as a pass rusher in the NFL. Somebody on twitter said she looked like Prop Joe – if he was about 5’4 and dark brown. Are we bringing straightback cornrows back in 2015? Is this what’s happening here? Also, who did she get with to have Samantha? Can we see those yearbook photos? The burning questions are neverending.

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To set the scene, Mitochondria’s mom Angie Stone threw a drink at Samantha, and Kim went all the way off. You can’t tell me she didn’t do 2-a-days in high school the way she tried to hit that juke route on security. Ole girl should be happy she was able to run away to the car the way that Kim squadded up so quick. I need her to join Black Ink Crew. Kim deserves to shine on TV. Or join the Saints’ defensive lineup – Lord knows they need help.

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About the author

Shamira Ibrahim

Brooklyn-based writer by way of Harlem, Canada and East Africa who comments on culture, identity, politics and likes all things Dipset.