This week’s episode, if nothing else, taught me what kind of relationships Keyshia Cole wails about on her songs.
Can anyone reason with me as to why it would be a good idea for Mynameismyname* to pretend that his child with Yandy is in the hospital? He mumbled something about his hustle being just as important as Yandy’s – which, I’m sure he needs to launder as much money as possible into tax shelters before his pending hearing – but after Yandy holding you down while you were Twelve Years an Inmate, I don’t think picking up your child while she is busy is altogether too much to ask. Is this what comes with being a ride or die? If so, then kindly count me out.
Speaking of opting out…none other than Charlie Murphy graced our screen looking like he would rather be anywhere else in the world than letting Peter Gunz know that YES, this was all his fault, and YES he should try and work on things. I haven’t decided yet whether or not I think Peter is so delusional that he believes his own lies, but at one point he said “Am I such a monster that she has to run and hide from me?” and it sounded like a yes or no question, which would imply that there’s reasoning to say anything other than YES.
Regardless, Peter goes to ‘Germany’** to win back his lady love (who he JUST told he was going to be single and file for custody), and finds himself surprised that a trip across the Atlantic Ocean hasn’t helped her get past matters – namely, him still being in love with Tara. Inexplicably, the man lobbies her mom for support, which doesn’t go well, to nobody’s chagrin. Amina finally finds her footing and asks him to move out, and the look of despair on Peter’s face is him realizing that he’ll have to start actually paying bills somewhere else.
Tara, on the other hand, decided to take Peter’s trip as a personal affront, which makes sense to no one besides her because the man is married to someone else now. Nevertheless, she has finally found an outlet for all of her pain…in a new etiquette company to the stars named Wallace World.
Not that I don’t think that today’s celebrities couldn’t benefit from some etiquette and media training, but just because she goes out of her way to speak like a local TV news anchor doesn’t an etiquette expert make; especially one that fights and screams on national TV. But far be it from me to poop on someone’s parade – dream your dream, girl!
Meanwhile, the #CreepGang took some time to teach us the do’s and don’ts of dirty macking. For reasons unbeknownst to anyone with more than five brain cells, Rich is still meeting up with Diamond to give her advice on Cisco – namely, that Cisco has moved on to preying on our favorite Chipotle Brand Ambassador. Apparently, that was enough for Diamond to realize that “Rich is a very attractive man” (excuse me while I go violently retch). Rich definitely seemed open to the opportunity, but waited until he spoke with Cisco next to pull the trigger, which brought about one of the most confounding conversations I have ever seen (paraphrased below):
Cisco:“I don’t care about anything that Diamond chick does…except if you smash her”
Peter: “Well that’s good to know now.”
Cisco: “Wait, you actually contemplated knocking off my ex??
Peter: “Well not now that we cleared it up. Let go back to this music.”
This was followed by Cisco explaining that Rich doesn’t understand the code because he went to college…and not, perhaps, that he’s just an unscrupulous bottom feeder. Is this really how men talk to each other?
Speaking of bottoms…Chink Santana did not take too well to discovering that his girl was, in his words, “a booty shot hoe.” When a conversation starts with a stout man from the DMV running up on you demanding “what’s up with this hoe shit??” it may be time to pack up and call it a day. Undeterred, however, Chrissy said “that’s not hoe shit, that’s art!” which will now be my go to phrase for justifying any questionable behavior I choose to engage in. Chink decided that he’s too good for his alabaster queen’s distressing photoshoot (maybe he saw that fur abomination on her head earlier in the episode), and chose this moment to inform her that he was “young , black, and gifted.” I’m assuming he was playing two lies and a truth there.
Elsewhere on Dyckman, Cyn just found out that Erica got engaged to Bow Wow and is the only person in the world who cares about this news. Poor lil’ tink tink – I hope she lets Erica go and finds the Chipotle Franchise Owner she deserves.
*Did anyone else notice that when Mistletoe went to Rich’s house for their weekly book club, Rich called him…‘Deecee? Is his nickname ‘Deecee?? Is nobody else dumbfounded at the fact that the S at the end of his name is decidedly optional?
**I’m convinced that half of those scenes weren’t actually filmed in Germany. The just filmed a scene of Peter in a plane and got some stock footage. With all of the back child support Peter must owe how in the world would he get approved for a passport? They probably went to a farming region of Pennsylvania and said “close enough”.