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So it looks like we’re getting closer to a marketplace available effective male-specific birth control method.  The latest trials of a male contraceptive have proven to be 96 percent effective in trials. This could be revolutionary as, right now, women bare the lion’s share of the birth control responsibility from costs to having to take the actual pill, so I imagine the hills will be alive with the sound of music once this hits the streets. Glory day and cheers to the freakin’ weekend; I’ll drink to that. We should all be sharing in the birth control responsibilities, people. Sharing is caring and shit! Just so it's clear, I'm ALL for a male-centric birth control method.

But hold the phone. See, I only said we’re getting closer since apparently the trials have been halted. Peep game (emphasis mine from an editorial):

But the trial of the drug has already been halted – because just 20 of the men (out of 320, don’t forget) found the side effects of the injection intolerable and it was decided that more research needed to be done to try and counteract them. Those side effects included depression, muscle pain, mood swings, acne and changes to the libido.

Sounds reasonable to me. I mean, EYE don’t want to be subjected to any of those side effects. It’s bad enough I had to deal with some of those things as a teenager, but now? Fucketh thateth.

I mean who WOULD want to deal with that? From the same article:

Do any of those side effects sound familiar? Oh yes, they’re the minor side effects of the combined pill, used by 48 per cent of women aged 16 to 19, 64 per cent of women aged between 20 and 24 and a majority (55 per cent) of those aged between 25 and 29.

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How sad for these poor men – they couldn’t handle the side effects that so many women have to deal with every day just to avoid an unwanted pregnancy. Women have had to bear the responsibility of contraception since the pill was first launched in 1962 – and all of the side effects that go along with it.

Oh.

(Here's the actual report from the Journal of Clinical Endocrinology & Metabolism, beeteedubs.)

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Wow, so it seems that these trials were halted because some men didn’t want to deal with side effects of birth control that many women have had to deal with since the dawn of time. Hmmm. It's a bit of an inaccurate re-telling of the story as evidenced here, but let's assume that's the driving force.

That makes total fucking sense to me. To be more clear: Good. I’m glad they halted the trials. They SHOULD keep trying to get it right until they have minimized to the absolute level of minimization all of the side effects. (And according to the study, the vast majority of men, even who experienced the unbearable side effects did want to continue, so stick that in your old wazoo.)

AS THEY SHOULD BE DOING FOR WOMEN. Somebody tell somebody to science that shit for both of us.

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Look, I can understand why women would be annoyed that men don't want to deal with the same things they’re willing forced to deal with and therefore changes get made. Patriarchy and Sexism isn’t just the name of the most awesome garage band in history, it’s the way of society. And that blows. Headphanie. But the fact is, since I don’t HAVE to take this method and therefore don’t HAVE to deal with these side effects, I’d tell those scientists to keep on pushin’ until they had eliminated all of the unfortunate side effects or the side effects were at "reasonable" levels.

And if I was a woman, I’d say the same. Condoms exist for a reason. I realize some of us have a more complicated and tenuous relationship with them and if I’m keepin’ it 100, I’ve always thought the good Lord was a little bit rude for making some women allergic to latex. That’s just cruel. But there are also non-latex condoms.

I realize some women take birth control for medical purposes and well, that sucks for you since I suppose your options are limited. But as a dude, why the hell would I willingly sign up for a bunch of shit that alters my mood and feelings (that isn’t illegal) JUST so I can rawdog some randoms and in case I shoot up the club, hopefully not have to serve an 18 year sentence. Shit, it aint' like its 100 percent effective which would make it worth it. I have to risk depression, too?

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Fuck. That. Patriarchy is a bitch but the status quo seems to be working out okay for now, b.

I get it. In the trials, significant adverse events occured that for women seem to be the norm, so science said, "naw, bitch I said naw". Man talks, world listens. That’s terrible. In this case though, it ain’t crazy. Plus, it might end up being MORE game-changing once they get it right, two step, and let their shoulders lean. Shit, it seems to me that perhaps women should vote with their feet, too. Instead of using the pill that has similar affects, just make their butt buddies use good ole fashioned condoms. And prayer. Lots of prayer.

And if you decide that you just have to run raw, like, in your soul, you just gotta, well Plan B is a (expensive) thing and again, prayer, and the rhythm method are out there. But nobody should be stuck having to deal with shit - men or women - that sucks, even a little bit, when there are so many other means on the market to achieve the same goal, which if math serves correctly is unwanted pregnancy.

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I understand why a woman would feel a kind of way that men aren’t willing to put up with what they have, but shit, I can’t see a single reason why we would want to. Women complain about birth control all the time. If I’m one of the dudes who is part of the trial and I notice I’m complaining about the same thing, I’d be like, “Garcon, I’d like to send this steak back for a new one. It’s not pleasing me.” And there’d be not a single thing wrong with that.

If anything, women should be doing the same. Demand a better pill with less side effects or at least with minimized side effects and then we can all win together.

Otherwise, Trojan has an entire line of products geared towards the same goal and your only depression might come if they fail.

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Which, remember kiddies, does happen.