Unless you sleep with the fishes, there's a better than 100 percent chance that you heard about the return of The Fappening. Over the course of the weekend, the likes of Meagan Good, Gabrielle Union, Vanessa Hudgens, Hope Solo's aggression, Selena Gomez, Kim K, and even motherfucking Omarion caught the tail end of a leaky faucet.
Even Rihanna who, let's be real, we've all seen at this point, was on the receiving end of some freedom.
Reportedly, even the likes of Keke Palmer were on-deck to receive the treatment. I've got to say, or ask rather, WHAT DID KEKE PALMER EVER DO TO YOU!??!??
So here's my concern/question: what is the point of all of this? Honest question. Aside from the obvious illegality of breaking into and leaking a bunch of nude pictures of pretty much anybody, to quote Fiorello La Guardia reading the comics, "what does it all mean?" (1:28 mark for you sample junkies out there) I'm not even the kind of person who needs a good reason for some fuckery. I'm usually all for it. Except, at some point, you have to wonder what motivates people to invest so heavily into embarassing folks. Or attempting to.
Take Meagan Good for instance, while we have all pretty much seen her nips before - celebrity women tend to specialize in extra revealing clothes for some odd reason - why leak pictures that she was clearly and obviously taking for her husband? I mean…freakin' Facetime pictures? That's not cool. The same could be argued for all of these…except Selena Gomez.
Yo, in some of the pics that hit Twitter, Selena Gomez legit has on a see through swimsuit. Like translucent see through. Wet t-shirt contest see through except without the pain of cotton feeding the fantasy. Obviously I'm not going to link an of the pictures here but you don't even have to be a papparazzi to get those pictures. You could be a child building a sandcastle (granted, those pics were at a pool but I have no idea whose pool that was) and look up and see boobs and box.
But again, what is the point of it all. Anthony Hamilton cares about that, and so do I.
Notwithstanding the illegality of it, of course (2nd disclaimer), here are some observations I've made based on those that I've allegedly seen…you know, hypothetically:
1. People (and especially celebrities) take nudes in very interesting poses.
If there was one thing the inventors of the camera phone did not see coming it was the epic oddness of motherfuckers who are not photographers. I don't even understand half of the poses people contort their bodies into while taking these pictures. Hope Solo…I mean she already kind of irritates me, but she has a pic out there where I can't figure out if she's trying to see…like inside…or if she's just angry. It really could be either. Obviously, its her prerogative, but she saved that damn picture and it got out and now I suffer because I have more questions than answers. Nude pictures should not be confusing, but alas, what we've learned is that people are just fucking weird across the board.
2. You know how people think there should be a nude etiquette to include background aesthetics, general cleanliness, artistic lighting and posting, etc?
Yeah. Celebs give zero fucks about that too. Which leads me to wonder if they really are just taking most of these pictures for themselves as a sort of future reminder of what once was. Jennifer Lawrence seems to have broken every single plausible law of Nude Etiquette. Many of the released nudes seem to be…hmm…how do you Americenz say…they suck. Like folks really have no clue what to do with their bodies. They all learned how smile for the camera which, as anybody who has skimmed through Instagram on a lonely Wednesday can tell you, is no easy feat. But I saw a few pictures where the entire set up was just horrible and the post made it even worse. Now, of course, these are personal stashes so much like most of 2Pac's later works, it was likely not supposed to be released. But it has been and now again…more questions than answers.
3. You know you've seen too many nude pictures where the details are what you pay attention to.
The most interesting thing about Gabrielle Union's pictures? The phone case she has that features a picture of her and Dwyane Wade. Seriously.
4. I wrote about it before, and I still appreciate nudity, but too much of anything is a bad thing.
Again, I think its jacked up that these women (and Omarion) got caught up in the fapture. However, you know, after a while, once you start seeing them all, where is the joy? It seems like there was a time when nudity was sacred and I'd have to sneak around to see it. Now? You just go to Twitter and punch in a name and #wallahmagic you got boobs. Then on to the next thing. Like, it's a thing, but not a "thing" anymore unless some scandalous pictures drop.
5. First rule of taking nudes is do not include the face.
How for come no celebs seeem to follow this rule? Granted, assuming they were intended for private audiences, there's no need. But every nude I've received was also intended for private audiences which leads me to only conclusion, celebrities are way more trusting than regular people. Which obviously has backfired.
6. Looking at celeb nudes that were allegedly not intended to ever be released is an exercise in cognitive dissonance. Like, we all know we shouldn't do it, but we (well, most of us) all do anyway because they're there. And somebody is going to look at them. And if everybody is the I suppose its not terrible. If we all go to Hell, is it really Hell? Or as I saw on Twitter… "in the word 'scent', is the 's' or the 'c' silent?"
Real talk, that shit blew my mind for like two hours and I don't even smoke
Anyway. Nudes. Yay.