Random People, Places, And Things I've Definitely Called A "Nigga" Before, Ranked

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20. Barbara Bush, after seeing a recent picture of her

"I had no idea that nigga was still alive. Wow. The Bush family breeds vampires."


19. An almost stale piece of cantaloupe

"I hate it when these niggas ruin the fruit salad, man."

18. My left arm, which is really hurting right now because I'm old

"I can't lift that nigga above my shoulder. I'm sad."

17. The person who brought some boiled chicken to a potluck

"Was this nigga raised in a convent or something? Who chooses to bring a boiled fucking chicken to a potluck with a bunch of niggas?"


16. The boiled chicken that was brought to that potluck

"And he's gonna have to take it back home because no one's gonna eat that nigga."


15. The theory of relativity

"After Einstein discovered that nigga, the world of science changed forever."

14. My dog

"That nigga pooped on the sidewalk again. He knows better, but he's a funny nigga."


13. An HDMI cord

"I think that nigga has a short or something. The HD channels are a little blurry."


12. Twitter

"I actually still prefer Facebook, because I'm just not as comfortable communicating with that nigga."


11. My virginity

"It's funny. I was so used to lying about losing that nigga that when I actually did lose it, it still felt like I was lying."


10. A friend's beard

"My beard is making progress, but he can still get his fuller. I'm actually kinda jealous of the fullness of that nigga."


9. Shower water

"That nigga's too hot! Damn!"

8. The Obama's dogs, after seeing a picture of them

"Wow. Those little niggas are growing! Time files!"

7. Garlic parm sauce on a chicken wing

"The wings were better last week. I don't think they put enough of that nigga on them this time."


6. A random nigga who showed up in a dream

"That random nigga showed up in my dream last night too."

5. The space between a wall in my living room and a couch

"You think there's enough room in that nigga to put a bookcase there?"

4. This list about nigga that I'm writing right now

"I'll be done with this nigga in like 15. Why, what's up?"

3. The word "nigga" itself

"I've definitely used that nigga in multiple different contexts. That nigga's a linguistic Swiss army knife. "


2. White people who want to be able to say nigga

"Those niggas really want to say nigga, don't they?"

1. Ava DuVernay's new documentary, 13th

"Yeah, I watched that nigga after brunch Sunday afternoon but caught the itis and only watched the first hour. I watched the rest that evening though, and I'd definitely recommend it."


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About the author

Damon Young

Damon Young is the editor-in-chief of VSB and a columnist for GQ.com. His debut memoir in essays, What Doesn't Kill You Makes You Blacker (Ecco/HarperCollins), is available for preorder.