Sentient Porkpie Hat Jason Whitlock Out at Fox Sports

Illustration for article titled Sentient Porkpie Hat Jason Whitlock Out at Fox Sports
Screenshot: Fox Sports

Jason Whitlock, the Tomi Lahren of Clarence Thomases, is reportedly out at Fox Sports, after they couldn’t come to an agreement on a new contract.

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I first learned of this news on Twitter, where his name is currently trending. And his name is trending because he is so thoroughly loathed that news of him parting ways with Fox Sports brought some levity to an otherwise grief-ridden day. Imagine how hated you must be that a mundane contract negotiation failure provides people joy and catharsis during an uprising in the middle of a pandemic.

If you measure success by name recognition, the size of a person’s bank account, and the reach of their platform, Whitlock is unquestionably one of the most successful black journalists ever. But while the country smolders as hundreds of thousands take to the streets to protest the death of George Floyd, which is really a protest of the police, which is really a protest of white supremacy, Whitlock’s only legacy is that his name has become a convenient short-hand for sellout; a feat he accomplished by aligning himself with power—like a plover bird on a crocodile’s neck—to line his pockets and increase his klout score. It is an irony that he claims to be so Christian now. Because, well, let’s just say that, according to the Bible, people like him don’t exactly go where they want when they die.

Anyway, our cities are burning, our president is tear gassing protestors, and I’m already bored with this daft fuck so here’s a really simple lamb chop recipe from Jessica Gavin that I’ve been using since I’m home and cooking all the time now.

1. Season lamb chops with salt and pepper.

2. Marinate with garlic, herb, and olive oil paste.

3. Pan sear until browned on the surface.

4. Flip and cook until the desired doneness is reached.

5. Rest lamb chops for 10 minutes before serving.

These are really great in a cast-iron skillet. If you don’t have one of those, it’s worth the investment.

For a side, seasoned asparagus works delightfully.

Damon Young is the editor-in-chief of VSB, a contributing opinion writer for The New York Times, and the author of What Doesn't Kill You Makes You Blacker (Ecco/HarperCollins)

DISCUSSION

Again with the asparagus! A perfectly reasonable lamb chop recipe and you gotta go get boogie with the damn veggie? Now, someone might think that this is me channeling a ton of untapped rage into a vessel that isn’t designed to contain it but I am sick and tired of the props asparagus gets on this damn website! They are third rate lawn clippings that chemically change your piss in unpleasant ways. YTF are y’all still fucking with these things? If someone told you that <x> was delicious but it’d make your tongue purple and make your shit glow would you eat it after that first time? (you gotta test it, right? glowing shit? have to!) No! Because you don’t know how it’s doing it and you’re pretty sure if it’s doing that to your shit, something inside you is glowing too!

Fuck asparagus!  Green beans or gtfo.